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Originally Posted by Nyororin
Really? That`s a total shock to me, as I have been bashed up and down by virtually every American woman I have encountered regarding my choice to stay home with my son. You`d think I was destroying the entire feminist movement by choosing not to work.
People may *say* that staying at home is the ideal, but in practice you end up being chewed out by every other mother around who hasn`t made the same choice. And some who have! I was even told I should be ashamed of myself, and that I "was spitting in the face of all the women who fought for equal rights". Yeah, really sounds like people think that the stay-at-home-mother is the ideal.
Sorry I`m a bit bitter about that, but it is actually something I have experienced. I`ll take the Japanese model where mothers actually can make the choice that is best for them and their children without being attacked left and right for it.
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Did you live in the US or did this happen online?
I think it's a general issue that people who oppose something are more vocal than those who agree. I.e. a mother who chose to work would then more frequently hear that she is neglecting her children from stay-at-home moms and from men.
I have lived in the US for a year and I have had online-discussions with Americans. These often went like this: Why is the teen crime rate so high? Because they were in daycare as young children. Why are their manners so bad? Because of daycare. Why are their school results so low? Because of daycare. And NOBODY of the Americans in these online discussions opposed that view, they all agreed with the first person who said so (at least to the point that it is one of the reasons for the problem under discussion). Men and women alike. I was the only one who said it's not because of daycare and that children with working moms are not worse off than those with stay-at-home moms. Or if they are, then the reason is that the stay-at-home moms in the US are those with well-earning husbands, so they are better off because they are richer.
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In Japan, I didn`t mean it placed pressure on her to return to work earlier after having a child, or that it placed pressure on her not to have children at all. Women still get just as much time off regardless of salary, and their jobs are guaranteed by law.
What I meant is when women flat out *quit*, as is pretty much the norm when they get married or have a child. Taking time off is one thing - the investment the company has made isn`t a waste. But if they invest a lot of time and training into someone who leaves within a few years, it has been a waste. Most Japanese (female and male) wouldn`t be so irresponsible as to do this.
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Oh, I see.
I guess that is really a cultural difference, i.e. Japanese seem to feel more connected to their employers. In America or Europe, men or women will just quit jobs, no matter how much was invested into them - e.g. to go to other employers who pay more.