Quote:
Originally Posted by masaegu
Could someone correct the following sentence? Any corrections will be appreciated. I'm most unsure about the 'monopolizing the eyes' part. Would an English speaker say that? Thanks in advance!
"I long to be a player like him, who can influence others and who can monopolize the eyes of the fans."
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I'd say something like, "I'm going to be a player like him, who can influence other's and control their eyes."
see, because to me, the first part was too formal for a fluent speaker of English. the influence others part was middle ways, and the monopolize part is, yes, a strong word but too formal again. hoped I helped!!!! >_<