[Kenta21]

Law of Mandibular Proportionality:

(from A. Hicks)

The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.



Law of Feline Mutation:

(from A. Hicks)

Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:

be female,
will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation,
and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.


Law of Conservation of Firepower:

(from U. Williams)

Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.



Law of Technological User-Benevolence:

(from U. Williams)

The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.



Law of Melee Luminescence:

(from U. Williams)

Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.



Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism:

(from U. Williams)

All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.



Law of Follicular Chroma Variability:

(from Spellweaver)

Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.



Law of Follicular Permanence:

Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!



Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics:

*ANY* shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.



Law of Probable Attire

Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.

Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).

Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear a long cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out dramatically behind him.

First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) - All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.

Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.



Law of Musical Omnipotence:

Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they have never attempted these things before.



Law of Quitupular Aggultination:

(from Daniel Mikula)

Also called "The Five-man Rule," when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:


The Hero/Leader
His girlfriend
His Best Friend/Rival
A Hulking Brute
A Dwarf/Kid

Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:


Extreme Coolness
Amazing intelligence
Incredible Irritation



Law of Extradimensional Capacitance:

(from Jason Bustard)

All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.

First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.



Law of Hydrostatic Emission:

Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.



Law of Inverse Attraction:

Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.

First Corollary Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...



Law of Nasal Sanguination:

(from Ryan Pritchard and Jason Aylen)

When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.



Law of Xylolaceration:

(from Lyndon Harris)

Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.



Law of Juvenile Omnipotence:

(from Erin Alia)

Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.



Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia:

There is no Law #43.



Law of Nominative Clamovocation:

(from Luiko-Ysabeth and Adrian Hsiah)

The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.



Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis:

(from R. A. Hubby)

Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

Law of Flimsy Incognition:

(from Conrad Knauer)

Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.