[kireikoori]

I never figured it would be easy. I figured a foreigner would have to work twice as hard to get accepted, though I didn't think it would apply to me since I was visiting as part of a Sister City thing. I was still nervous as ever though. Because if anywhere in the world I wanted to leave a good impression, it was in Japan.

Then when I come back from Japan and feel like the biggest Japanophile ever, and sign up for loads of Japanforums, everyone's so divided, and not very Japanophile like. It's always "Japan's against foreigners", "such and such politician said this", "omg fingerprinting", "omg nationalist comics", "omg no foreigner allowed signs", "omg weeaboos can't stand them, I may like this one teeny aspect of Japan a little bit, but I'm no Japanophile, I hate everything else".

It really wears at a person you know. I like Japanese culture as much as I ever did, but it feels like I'm just being surrounded by negativeness when I try to go on the internet in search of Japanese culture.

The Japan-interest-internet community is just too divided I say. The Sister City is for a wonderful concept, cultural exchange. So that walls between people lessen. The Sister City thing is meant to create allophilia. But when I come on the internet, I'm drenched in my fears that nobody in Japan would like me because I'm foreign, I feel like people in the Sister City thing were just nice to me because they were supposed to, I feel like it's not ok to enjoy any aspects of Japanese culture, much less do something like learn the language.

And it's horrible, I hate this feeling. I came onto the internet because it could give me Japanese things I can't go to wal*mart and buy. It can give me things I would have to wait to return to Japan to enjoy. And what have I become, self conscious about a bunch of stupid crap on the internet. My homestay family should slap me!

You know what, Japan may have some problems. I always knew that. But guess what, I don't care. Japan has problems, so what? Remember I accepted that about Japan a long time ago. And personally, I'm tired of hearing every little bad thing about Japan all the time, and words like weeaboo, wapanese and japanophile being flung around as insults all the time.

You know what, I went to Japan. I didn't stay that long, but the time I stayed there wasn't so bad. Maybe some people have had discrimination against foreigners. Whatever. There's good and bad to be found in every country. Why does Japan have to be perfect for some people to appreciate and enjoy it's culture?

I'm tired of getting bogged down and feeling emo about all the negatives. I'm not blaming you acidreptile for making this topic. When you hear some people saying "I went to Japan, and faced nothing and it was great" while others go on about how "Japan is so God-awful racist" it really makes you wonder.

In fact, it seems that way about every aspect of Japan. I've read and read and read about Japan, but the more I read, the more confused I feel.

I'm sorry, I really needed this rant to feel better. I'm in a really cruddy mood.