[Mistrogue]

This is Teruki.

Today is 4/30. It is an unforgettable day for the members, for the staff, and for the Cafekkos.

I don't think that I want to forget, and I don't think I need to forget. In fact, I think I shouldn't forget. I was firmly telling myself that the whole time, but when this day actually come closer, you just really get painful. I still clearly remember that day.

In the morning it was as usual, bright and fun. The sky was sunny too, and that day was actually pretty hot. But maybe everyone was empty and energetic. The rehearsals finished, and we finished doing our make-up, and there the atmosphere started to change.

I couldn't stay in the dressing room anymore, so I went outside by myself. I didn't know what was sad, or what was painful, and without being able to sort out my feelings, tears started falling down.

When the live started, the sky was still bright. When I was concentrating on the performance, I was looking at the Cafekkos, and looking at the staff, and looking at the members...Without thinking about anything I glanced up at the sky, and every time I did so, I thought "ah, the sky is darker than it was before...". And every time I felt that, I thought "we are nearing the end". "Is this really ok. Can't I just stop the live right now, and talk over it once more" I knew that was something I couldn't think about, so I crushed those feelings down.

After we finished the last song, and I came down from the drum stand, I remember how there was still an encore coming from outside of the hall. The Cafekkos who got inside the hall knew that we ended, but the Cafekkos who were outside of the hall couldn't see that. I guess they still believed that it didn't end yet, and they kept screaming for us. That was really sad.

There was a time where I randomly compared the band Antic Cafe to Jenga. He was the original person who made AnCafe. One year ago, I thought "if he leaves, then the foundation that's on the very bottom will shake". But now, after one year passed, I think that's not true.

This past year, when there was a painful time or a troubled time, I thought "even at that time, I got to climb over that hurdle with him doing this" or, the successes and mistakes that I experienced with him always became a guide for me. So, the jenga that was on the very bottom, hasn't gone away.
I think it will always be there even in the future.

I'm sure there were a lot of Cafekkos who said good-bye at that time. But still, the Cafekko's who stayed, worked so hard to support us, and Yuuki and takuya worked their hardest too, and that's why we are here now. When I think about it that way, I think "What a lucky person I am. If I don't work harder I'll get punished for it", and I begin to think positively.

I'm gonna go a little earlier than Ya-on (Hibiya), but...

Whether we continue AnCafe, or break up, or take a break from it. The company people said "it's your guys' lives. You 3 decide that". No one really spoke up about it, but once someone started to talk about it, Miku kun and Kanon san got in a fight. At this point we had been together for 4 years, but there was never a time where Miku kun and Kanon san got in a dispute, so I was first really surprised. I guess it just means it was that much of an important time. Even for me, I wanted to say "I want to do it" but the worrying part of me was greater so words just wouldn't come out. We want eachother to pull eachother up, but the weaker/loser words come out first.

Out of all the many choices we had, one year has passed and I still don't know what was the right choice. I don't have the confidence to say that this one year was the right choice. But, it's way better than staying at that point and starting to rot on and on. Without knowing if it's right or left, or front or back, we just kept moving forward. No matter if the Cafekkos left were 100 people or 10 people, as long as there were people living to support us, then we needed to work hard for them. I think that was the joy and duty for us, who worked for 4 years to get there.

And, more than anything, I love music. Being able to do what you love in front of a whole bunch of people, I don't think there's a greater happiness than that.

On 5/24 before the Demonstration Live, I asked him "Can we still do Bou kun's songs from now on?", just to make sure. Even though I knew he wouldn't say "no". The answer I got from him was "Of course. I'd be sad if you didn't do it..." that's what he said.

The AnCafe now, has songs the 4 of us made, songs the 5 of us made, and songs the 6 of us made. Everyone, please come listen to them.

1 year ago, without writing my name I just wrote one phrase "I can't sleep" on the blog. This year, I got to sleep well. I will be bright and energetic and work hard starting from tomorrow again! I will treasure all of the jenga that is Antic Cafe from now on☆

^ That's Teruki's blog entry it's really long. (._.')
Credit: cafexblog @ LJ