I don't think the problem is with the Otakus. I think it's just they recognize something they really like about Japan, but don't get exposed to the depths of it. A lot of otakus are looking for something to get confidence in and when they can get expertise in a part of Japanese culture, that's something they can point at and acknowledge.
As far as the women go... I was an otaku. Women are vain (as well as men) sometimes because they're human. I don't think nerds have more respect in Japan than the U.S., although I could be wrong on that account. Just be yourself, and whether you're an otaku or not you can find people to get along with, but keep in mind Japan is much more than anime, manga, and video games.
But you can still enjoy those things.
