[Dora]

My knees knock together,
The cold- it’s biting.
Its teeth are so sharp, its saliva-
dripping.
It growls and it snaps at my lukewarm flesh
that just hangs and waits,
Powerless to resist; unable to defend.

My bones, they poke out through that pale, tattered cloth-
So proud, and yet so weak;
So noticeable, yet only wanting to hide
from those cruel, disapproving eyes.
They stand awkwardly, self conscious
and shy;
They are the fruits of my labour,
my ivory trophies,
they are the reason I live
and the reason I die.

Looking down, my eyes search through my thin strands of hair;
greasy and limp, they dangle in self pity-
loose and pathetic.
They fall on my stomach,
The Glutton, The Beast.
How sickening it is, how wretched I have become.
My fist clenches, nails sink into that rotting hand;
thumb rubbing, soothing my fingers-
Reaching, stretching, caressing my hunger.
These loyal friends; obedient and strong.
Helping me to become that person-
the one I deserve to be.

I pound on my stomach,
Beat it like a drum, to a rhythm of hate.
Self hate, self loathing;
I loathe this body- this fat, wobbling mess.
All pasty and dimpled-
Enormous and repulsive.

I stagger over to the mirror-
my unforgiving foe.
The pain grows to a climax,
It’s unbearable and it’s fierce-
Crippling;
I double over in agony and fear.
I grab at my fat but end up scratching my ribs;
Like nails down a chalkboard,
I leave desperate, gasping marks.
It moves to my chest,
Clawing its way up my emaciated frame-
Piercing my skin and digging into my bone.

My head feels dizzy; my eyes blur and they fade-
I reach for the water lined up on my desk.
My hand falters,
frantically searching and failing.
My body falls, it takes forever;
my bones shake and split as they swallow up the impact.
I feel like I’m barely hanging on,
That I’m slipping away, into a far off place-
a destination from which, I cannot return.
My eyelashes flutter;
my throat cracks and it dries.
I take a gasp of air but its journey’s cut short-
My lungs sit, and they wait…
until they wait no more.