[Haiiro]

Hi all,
Seeing as I'm joining this discussion so late, my opinion is probably a moot point. However, reading through this thread did cause me to rethink a few things, so I thought I'd post if only to say these conversations are not in vain. It actually inspired me to write a letter to my sister, who enjoys a mix of both lifestyles as the "bread winner" and housewife at the same time.

So rather than rewriting my musings here, I'll just post a snippet of the email itself, with your kind indulgence... Yes, I'm lazy:P

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Out of the blue today, a forum post caught my eye, and the thread basically forced me to rethink my entire view on "feminism". It's rather naive, I know, but I generally stick to the intended or original meaning of a word, in a laughable attempt to preserve the integrity of the English language. When a word becomes too "loaded" with implied meaning (which actually changes from person to person) it becomes virtually worthless as a part of one's vocabulary. As a result I often find myself discarding vocabulary, and looking for "clean" terminology to express a concept without inviting misinterpretation (a seemingly hopeless endeavor).

Up until now, I have always thought of myself as a feminist. During its inception feminism was very idealistic, providing women the "option" to do whatever they wanted. Wonderful - so how can such a noble persuit end up becoming so twisted in the public perception? Feminism has become such a loaded word over time, that there is really no reason for anyone to use it anymore. To some, it carries the implication that women are superior to men, or that women who choose not to live a perceivably "feminist" lifestyle are somehow allowing themselves to be inferior to, or dominated by men. So essentially feminism, in it's current twisted state, does not necessarily represent the fight for equality and freedom of choice, so much as a new and significantly greater expectation from women. "Housewife" has become a demeaning term for a woman who simply chooses to stay at home, and care for her kids. Men who stay at home are mocked and ridiculed. What we end up with is both parents working their asses off (even when it's completely unnecessary from a financial perspective) to pay for someone else to take care of the kids, while never fully enjoying the "family life" they work so hard to support. It a pretty common scenario I think, (although do correct me if I'm wrong) and the result is less actual freedom than ever, as people strive to live up to new, and much more demanding social expectations. Social progress on this subject, as I see it, is the process of expanding options, without actually requiring a change of lifestyle.

I think you're probably the most likely person to understand where I'm coming from on this. I think I've developed a greater appreciation for just how controversial your chosen lifestyle actually is. On the one hand you have people like Twila (sp?) who frown on your capabilities as a businesswoman. And then on the other hand, you have people who would look down on you for staying at home. Well, as a famous diplomat once said (wish I could remember the name!), if both sides are pissed off with you then you're on the right track:P

So now I'm curious: how would you normally describe yourself? Are you a feminist or egalitarian?

After giving this a little thought, I can not, in good conscience, call myself a feminist. I'm now simply an egalitarian - one who believes in all-round equality between race, gender, sexual preference, or whatever.

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Well that's it. To clarify a couple of points... On her partner's side of the family, they actually *hate* the fact that she is so capable in business, believing that women should never handle finance. On the other side of the coin, some people in our own family believe that she's wasting her life staying at home, intelligent and capable as she is, and shouldn't have ever had more than 1 child (she has 4). Both views are complete BS - what we have here is a woman living a full and wonderful life by her own rules. That, to me, is what feminism used to represent, but now the term has become saturated with false meaning... Time to toss that one on the refuse heap and move on IMO.