[ThirdSight]

This was painful.

Your writing style's sloppy, has very little form to it, and is universally void of anything that would catch the reader's attention. Instead, whoever decided to read this is searching throughly for what in the hell is going on, rather than actually paying attention to what occuring.

There a great many good books out there written my a great many different authors who all share a fairly simple writing style. Yours, to be frank, is far worse. As in a movie with horrible editing, things jump around from one thing to the next with little to no time for the reader to sit back and figure out what the hell is actually going on.

You tried desperatly to start in the middle of an "action scene" to get your reader's attention, but you failed miserably at it. What the hell's going on; can I say it enough? You're reader has no clue as to what's happening, and you're doing nothing to give him/her a moment to slow down and figure it the hell out.

I can't sugarcoat: this piece was absolutly horrible. Please try to understand the basics of writing any piece of literature before you attempt something like this again.