[Salvanas]

Alright. It's a good start, quite good in fact.

You need to add more detail to the surrounding, you see. If it's in a first person view, you need to add details that use all the senses. What he feels like, what he smells, what he sees, what he's touching, what he hears. All in nice detail, so as to put the reader in the narrators place.

Slight grammar problem here and there, which you need to sort out, such as 'quite/quiet' and when explaining numbers in a story, use word, not numbers. Numbers... stick out of a bunch of writing, and it makes the whole thing look wrong.

Apart from that, it's good.

Edit: Also, when explaining something, make sure every single detail you use for a character, helps progress their characters.