WTF???!!??? Aieeeeeeeeeeeeee! Help! Help! He's after me! He's gonna kill me... It's him It's him! I know it's him..
*Takes of cross, does some warding signs, drinks holy water (and some brandy for good measure) and sprinkles it all over (the holy water that is) starts chanting about sheperd and sheep and little bow beep... the warm air surrounds him yet he shudders
*
My god CN! Vividly descriptive...! Wonderful poetry!
Since you also asked for an expert opinion here are a couple of tips:
1. Your rhyme scheme is very good but you didn't stick to meter very well. That would have taken this already excellent poem to the next level. Meter basically denotes the count of syllables (as pronounced not read) per line. The first verse started out as a 3 syllable meter per line but the second verse and thereafter deviated and came back in spurts.
2. Lucid imagery but its spread a little thin. You could add a couple more verses in between to even out the flow, coz otherwise it might appear a bit disjointed. Take verses 2, 3 and 4 for example. Verse 2 talks about your feeling toward someone or something else. Verse 3 jumps to how you wish to feel about yourself while verse 4 jumps immediately to something that describes the moment from a third perspective.
Now, this sort of jump can sometimes be good, but you need to have more lines per verse to make it good so that when the reader does make a jump, a trail of smooth thought settles behind.
Just my two cents worth, hope I didn't say something wrong
... I'll say it again, it's brilliant poetry and I'd just love to see you write some more too
*Rushes off to phone publishers on this profitable deal*