Hello
Thank you for helping me every time!!
Today, I wrote a persuasive essay.
My essay topic is "sodas and high-sugar foods should not be sold in public school vending machines."
Please check my essay!!
I was wondering that I should use "I think" or " I agree with...," but I was not sure, so I did not use them so much.
Thank you
Most students get money from their parents. They take the money to their schools and use it for their consumption. The thing which we lay eyes most often at school is a vending machine. It sells the sweet foods and drinks that students like most. It is convenient to be able to buy these products for less than two dollars, but these are very unwholesome. Today, the numbers of children, who are having cavities, obesity, and bone fractures by small accidents, are increasing because of sodas and high-sugar foods.
Children tend to have cavities. That is because foods including sugar and a soda are being consumed two quarts per day. The reason why these kinds of children exist is the advertising effect of Coca-Cola. The Coca-Cola company aims at least 25 % of consumption every year. Therefore, this company is increasing young children as customers for increasing efficiently. A soda has strong acidity, so a tooth melts when it soaked in the soda. This drink begins to melt a tooth in one minute. This strong acid drink will be the cause of a cavity. Moreover, the probability that the students who doesn't blush their teeth will be a cavity is very high.
Obesity is a huge problem in the United States right now. Many people believe that the cause of obesity is a fast food like McDonald, but sodas and high-sugar foods in vending machines are also the cause of obesity. A fruit juice, for example, an orange juice is healthier than a soft drink; however, the orange juice is actually the high-sugar and high-calorie beverage. If the students do not exercise after drinking this kind of beverage, they have a possibility to become obesity. By the way, American Institute of Medicine assumes that a commercial of a food scarce in the nutritive value related to overweight by the high calorie which made the child a target, so USAIM asks self-imposed control or intervention of the U.S. government. For obesity measure, University of Chicago agrees that public schools should not sell drinks with a lot of sugar and the milk which fat is not removed. Big eleven traders such as McDonald and Pepsi Company agreed to stop advertising junk food to less than 12-year-old children.
Born fracture by sodas and soft drinks is increasing in the past 30 years. According to Journal of Adolescent Health in 1994, 76 girls and 51 boys were a born fracture by the soft drinks and high-calorie beverages. The soft drinks make the bone fracture rate of girls triple, and Coca-Cola makes the bone fracture rate of quintuple. From this result, the girls’ bone densities that drink Coca-Cola are low. In my middle school and high school many students were in plaster because of little exercises and small accidents. Thus, sodas and soft drinks have bad influence on our bones.
Cavities, obesity, and bone fractures by sodas and high-sugar foods are increasing between the children because of the vending machines that are located in their schools. Therefore, I think it is better for there to be no vending machines installed in a public school.