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Originally Posted by Jizzeez
I have a problem. My Japanese girlfriend keeps threatening to leave me if I don't save more money.
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That is a threat and is paramount to domestic violence.
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Originally Posted by Jizzeez
I try to defend myself by saying I have more expenses to pay and that as a foreigner it is very difficult to find a permanent position in Japan.
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You don't need to "defend" yourself, it is not a "war".
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Originally Posted by Jizzeez
She says she cannot see a future with someone with little savings and an unstable job.
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I can agree with her somewhat, although that depends on your personality and who you really are and what you are wanting out of the relationship.
Are you using her money?
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Originally Posted by Jizzeez
I should add that I used a large part of my savings on graduate school and have not been able to replace them yet with a well paid position.
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She doesn't care!
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Originally Posted by Jizzeez
She often stays at my place and does buy household items and food occasionally.
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That's normal.
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Originally Posted by Jizzeez
She also pays for herself when we go out.
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That's good if you can't afford it, but maybe she wanst a different connection.
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Originally Posted by Jizzeez
She also says that basically she believes a man should support his wife after marriage.
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Nothing wrong with that as I also believe a wife could (not should) support her husband after marriage.
She must be old fashioned, although at 35, she will meet that criteria in Japan.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jizzeez
I feel it is unlikely that I can have a modern 50/50 style marriage with this person.
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I am also feeling that from what you are saying, and the early days appear to display many serious barriers of not being able to share.
Trust just seems to be lacking which will only linger now they have set.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jizzeez
She has also mentioned that she is better at managing money than I am, despite the fact that she hands over all her paycheck to her mum and is given spending money that can be refreshed if necessary.
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I can't see anything wrong if she can manage money better than you, true or not, but is that the REAL problem here? Is she supporting her mum financially or is she simply not able to manage her funds?
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Originally Posted by Jizzeez
She said she doesn't even know how much money she has in the bank!
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That tells us something!
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Originally Posted by Jizzeez
She is good with money and I know it is not so strange to live at home until marriage in Japan, but really!
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Sounds like a contradiction.
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Originally Posted by Jizzeez
It's hard to take criticism from a women that is not yet living in the real world.
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That comment will spell disaster in your relationship both out loud or a silent feeling.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jizzeez
What do you guys think?
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Choice 1:
I already expressed my thought's fairly blatantly, but they were certainly honest.
The time is right to end the relationship, their are to many barriers and bad feelings up and running, and it will get worse, as much I would not want it to for you. It seems you are not at all understanding her and she same about you. You are not seeing eye to eye with anything.
Sometimes in relationships, couples cannot see eye to eye, you of course have the added attraction of culture between you two, this will only add to the pressure, my feeling is, it will not work, don't let it linger and hope the problem will dissapear as it seems that it will explode.
Choice 2:
Listen to her opinions without jumping the gun. You need to listen to her more than she listens to you. You need to Get a job and fast with a regular income so she feels more secure with you. You need to let her be the accountant and banker, and you need to be on the receiving end constantly when things go wrong and prove that you can agree and understand her.
I can't see anything wrong with number two, but of course you are two and you are different.
if you are not the type to accept what she wants and is doing, it will never work. We know from what you have said that she is certainly not udnerstanding you, although she has clearer reasons, and this appears to be focussed on money, although it could also be a confidence situation.
Neither of you are "wrong or right", it's just a difference scenario.
G
d luck in whichever direction you head.