Quote:
Originally Posted by YuriTokoro
Hi.
Could you correct my English?
"A Pet Cemetery"
I got a letter from a pet cemetery company today. It’s the anniversary of one of my cats’ death. They say to me to pay 10,000 yen to a memorial service.
When the cat died, I paid them 16,000 yen to them to cremate it. (Actually, the cats are my mother’s, not mine, but I have to pay for them.) After that, the company gives notice me to pay to have a service every year.
If I lived in country side and I had enough land to bury them, I would have a grave in a yard, but here in Kawasaki, people don’t have such space, so we call a pet cemetery company when our pets die.
I used the company twice, so I have to pay 20,000 yen every year. Isn’t it too expensive when I still have a cat of my mother? So, of course the cat named Chihsuke is very cute.
How’s in your town?
Thank you!
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"cats’ death." - It should probably be "cat's death" because even though you mean one of your cats, the death is happening to one cat.
"to them to cremate it." - It would be more natural to just say "to cremate it." and leave "to them" out the second time because you already told us before "16,000 yen" that you were paying them.
"the company gives notice me" - Most english-speakers would probably of used past tense in this. It would most likely be worded as "the company gave notice to me" instead.
"If I lived in country side" - It would be countryside, not country side. Also, "the" would be needed before "countryside" to not confuse readers.
"I would have a grave in a yard" - It would be better to exchange "have" with "need" since readers would understand if you would need a grave yet if you just say they "would have" it doesn't explain your situation.
"but here in Kawasaki, people... " - It would probably be helpful if you dropped the "but" and started a new sentence with "Here in Kawasaki" because you have a large run-on sentence already with many commas. It might be fine the way it is, but it would be better to start a new sentence so it wouldn't confuse readers.
"when I still have a cat of my mother" - It would most likely be more useful if you change this sentence to "when I still have my mom's cat" since many English-speakers don't use "of" much. They prefer to use apostrophes to show possession. (i.e. mom's cat)
"So, of course the cat named Chihsuke is very cute." - Many American readers would probably not expect this and would write the same thing, but "So, of course" would need another comma after since you are using that "of course" as an extra, unneeded part of the sentence.
Besides that, nice translation.
