Quote:
Originally Posted by YuriTokoro
Hi.
Could you correct my English?
"Bon Dance Event"
I went to a bon dance remove: event today. It is a festival that is held by remove: a neighborhood communities during summer at night, and people dance [color="red"]the[color] bon dance there.
If you go bon dancing, you should wear a yukata, which is similar to a kimono, but it is very thin and not remove: a formal clothing. If you have stayed in a Japanese style hotel called a ryokan, you might have worn one. They have yukata, and customers put them on to be relaxed. They are used as a bathrobe and pajama.
Anyway, I used to enjoy bon dancing. When I was an elementary school student, I made a promise with friends to go to bon dancing every year. I was really looking forward to going to the festival.
I put on yukata on the day. My mother gave me some money. I bought some food at a yatai (a stall that is open only during remove: a festivals), and ate it with friends.
And then, we danced in line.
After becoming an adult and before getting married, I had lessons of Japanese classical dancing. So we danced bon dancing as a good example in matching yukata.
I have heard people dance bon dancing in many other countries now. If you see people dancing, please try. It is very easy and simple.
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There you go.
Explanation of (some) edits:
1. "Bon dance event"--this is optional. I would just call it a "bon dance," but I can see other natives preferring "bon dance event" if they mean to emphasize that it's more than just a bon dance that occurred.
2. BIG NOTE: There is a lot of confusion about "that" and "which"--even among native English speakers. Technically speaking, there is a difference. Here is an example first:
The automobile that is in my garage is red.
The automobile, which is in my garage, is red.
The first "in my garage" is restrictive because of the "that"--it means something like "As opposed to the other automobiles, the one in my garage is red." The second "in my garage" is not restrictive because of the "which"--it basically gives additional informationa bout the only car we're talking about. It says "The automobile is red. Oh, by the way, it's in my garage, too."
This is sort of a high-level rule in English that a LOT of native English speakers do not follow, but nonetheless it separates good from poor writing.
Note then that there are two patterns with commas ("that" doesn't use them; "which" does):
A that B blah blah.
A, which B, blah blah.
Note the example above about the red automobiles to see better what I mean.
3. I added the "a" before "yukata." This is sort of a stylistic choice when translating Japanese concepts to English and keeping the Japanese words. However, I think generally if you say "I own kimono" it sounds like you own more than one, while "I own a kimono" sounds like just one. This is like in English, "I own fish" means you have more than one, but "I own a fish" sounds like just one. The same goes for my ryokan edit.
4. A note about contractions (it's, they're, we're, etc.)
First (and I didn't notice this mistake, but I'm mentioning it anyway), the special exception to the plural rule is that when you want to say something belongs to "it," you say "its," not "it's." This is the exception to the 's rule. "It's" ALWAYS means "it is."
However, the main point I wanted to make is that in formal writing in English, you should NEVER use contractions. For example, you do not use "don't" in formal writing. Always use "do not." The same goes for "he's" for "he is" and other similar words.
Any other questions about my edits?