[GTJ]

Originally Posted by Nyororin

Welcome to the "Japan has some serious issues - (insert country of choice) has it`s problems too, but they`re not THAT bad." stage! Congratulations! You`ve hit one of the incredibly stereotypical stages of "Attitudes toward Japan". You have two paths to choose from - the one becoming more and more negative and bitter toward Japan, or the one that actually looks deeper and comes to see the underlying reasons and attitudes - and can see that not all is as meets the eye. The choice is yours!!

Actually... I passed this phase a long time ago. When I first got to Japan, about three months in I started getting really angry and bitter about everything. Little things, too, like how nobody would sit next to me on the bus or train. Things that have gone away, and things I've learned to accept. I'm no longer angry about Japan's social problems, but that doesn't make me unaware of them. As an anthropologist I'm ever-conscious and ever-curious about them, and yes, there's a lot that would potentially piss me off if I didn't mindfully ask myself if being pissed off would actually solve anything. Which it doesn't. So I'm not.

PS: That came off a little on the sardonic side. I'm sure I'm wrong but I just wanted to point it out

"Why can`t they see how stupid they`re being?!?! This would never happen in (insert home country)."

Well... no matter how hard I try to be objective, I still do see a severe lack of what we call "common sense" in Japan. I'm up for discussion on the matter, because I feel bad every time I think it.

Please allow me to ask - how much experience does your girlfriend have with living abroad?
It goes both ways. If she has actually LIVED outside of Japan for a few years - fine - but if her experiences with the US are limited to trips to Hawaii and an all inclusive tour of New York... Well, it`s no different than those tweens with stars in their eyes. There is a whole culture built around romanticizing the US to the OL range. Their dreams are a trip to Hawaii, a "romantic" international boyfriend, jetting back and forth between the US and Japan, and some oh so cute "half" kids. Reality of life abroad comes very thin in their circles.

Yeah, I know... thing is, she's never been to America. She's travelled to other countries and lived in Australia and Fiji for a month each, but no more than that. So you mentioning this did bring this fact back to mind. She's been talking about it more lately, so this morning when we had a chat I mentioned to her that we should take several trips there before we make that desicion, and stay for more than just a week or two. It's tough for her to get time off of work, but hey, I'm sure we can swing it somehow.

Yeah, I'm fully aware of that glittery-eyed dream they have of it, too. My girlfriend is a pretty realistic girl who's had to work damn hard for everything she's got, though, so I think it'll be okay. She's got her head on straight, but we do need to give her a taste of American life first.

On either side, it`s usually those who express the biggest desire to live in the US/Japan who have the most trouble adjusting if given the opportunity. I don`t want to be overly negative, just realistic... But I`ve translated for a number of divorce cases between Japanese and Americans. And the one thing that was pretty uniform between all of them with the husband still in the US - the wife was thrilled and wanted to move out of Japan to the US where it was so cool... And then reality set in, and things fell apart.

Yeah, I've heard of this thing called the "golden handcuffs". You come to Japan, maybe teach some English, meet a nice Japanese lady. Soon enough you're married, stuck in a dead-end English teaching job, you can't learn Japanese because you repeat "this is an apple" to middle schoolers all day, your wife barely speaks English and doesn't wanna move to your home country, and so on. This was related to me by a fellow designer who was much more entrenched in his career in Japan than he'd like.

Sounds crummy, but it's definitely something to be mindful of.

My basic mindset is that every country has it's ups and downs. For me, Japan has enough ups to outweigh the downs. I can't see myself spending the rest of my life in Japan, but I'm positive it's where I want to spend at least a portion of it.

edit: we have REALLY long posts...