[Nyororin]

Originally Posted by mercedesjin

Why isn't it in the child's best interest, then?

The way I see it, it isn't selfish. Parents hire babysitters and let family members take care of their children all of the time. When I said, "take to grandmas," I meant for a few hours. I didn't mean for the child's life. In my experience, everyone does that.

A child typically sleeps 12+ hours a day until they are school aged.
Let us say that single parent here works ONLY 8 hours a day, on the dot, every day. That leaves 4 waking hours for the child. Maybe one in the morning, add another for the trip to work and back, and we have 2 hours left in the evening for "parenting".
75% of the child`s life is spent being cared for by someone else. 75% of the most important developmental periods in a child`s life is in the hands of someone OTHER than the parent. If this is a grandparent or steady caretaker, then it`s a *better* situation than the typical daycare - where people quit and new people come in all the time. Unfortunately, most of the time it is a typical daycare to which the child goes.
But in the end, normally people wouldn`t consider 2~3 hours with a babysitter or grandparent having them "raise" the child - but yet are happy to say they are raising the child when their time spent may be even less.
I have acquaintances in the US who are full time workers and single parents. They eat breakfast with their children, deliver them to daycare... Then come home and pay the babysitter for picking the kid up from daycare and watching them until they slept. Give their baby a kiss on the forehead, then repeat the next day.
How can this be considered a good and responsible parent? It baffles me. (ETA; And they are completely confused as to why the child doesn`t listen to them, has bonding issues, or speech delays.)

I guess this is just another difference in opinions, but to me, having a child doesn't mean that the parent's life completely stops. Yes, a parent needs to sacrifice a lot to raise a child properly, but parents are human beings with life goals and ambitions also. I'm not saying that a parent should lock their kid up in the house while they go off to Las Vegas to party their life away, but if they have a set career in mind, why shouldn't that parent go for it?

I don`t think my life has ended since having a child? Some things have become more inconvenient, but that is about it.
I don`t have a problem with a parent having a career. The thing is, why have a child if you`re not going to be the one raising it? When there is no choice - unexpected pregnancy, divorce, etc - I don`t have any problems with it. But choosing to have a child you`ll barely have any time for just seems incredibly selfish to me.

What if sacrificing absolutely everything for the child makes the parent unhappy? Do you think that an unhappy, depressed parent is more fit to raise a child?

They should THINK about this before choosing to have a child. I am against people CHOOSING to have a child when they cannot be a responsible parent. Sometimes you have to think about priorities. If you are a single woman, totally dedicated to your career - that career is your priority. No one is going to force you to have a child. It is a choice.