Quote:
Originally Posted by Nyororin
I am going to step in late and go against the flow...
I don`t think it has much of anything to do with spanking. With discipline, yes, but discipline doesn`t have to involve physical punishment. That`s just one type.
What is important is consistency. Even if you spank your kid, if it only happens sometimes for the same offense - or if others don`t scold the child for the same offenses... You`re going to get a confused and potentially bitter child.
But even if you don`t ever cause physical pain to your child - if the discipline is consistent and still unpleasant it will work. You just have to follow through with it EVERY time (same with spanking). Sometimes discipline is often worse than none at all.
In my eyes, the big problems came into play not because parents changed the discipline methods... But rather because there is far less consistency these days. All power to discipline children has been moved to the parents. Which is fine if a parent is always there to discipline the child... Unfortunately, kids spend chunks of their lives in day care then in school. Places where they will either not be disciplined, or will not consistently be disciplined. It`s gotten to the point that teachers lose their jobs if they were visibly angry at a student - even if no one actually is upset by it. It`s hard to make up for poor discipline outside of the home, and I really think most parents don`t know what to do... So it gets worse. Especially if there wasn`t a strong foundation built before the kid headed off to school. (ie. They were in daycare without parental guidance.)
My son is 5, so nowhere close to being a teenager, but I can say with great confidence that he is well behaved. I don`t spank him, or use pain tactics (unless it`s an emergency - like he was doing something that would have killed him. But that`s a real rarity.) but I`m incredibly consistent. He knows that if he does certain things, certain things will happen in response. No matter what. Do something bad twice while we`re out? We go home. It doesn`t matter what we were doing or where we were. I will give a warning with a threat. Do it again and this will happen. And if I threaten, I mean it, and he knows it.
So he never bothers trying the first time, and I have a well-behaved (for being 5 and retarded) child.
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Absolutely correct, Nyoririn. All of the other causes mentioned are side effects of this. By the time a child starts school, the discipline patterns (or lack ofthem) are well set in the child's mind. Sure it develops much farther, but they have already learned the dynamics of what happens when you defy authority. If so far the authority figure has given in under pressure, the child knows beyond a doubt that the only question is how far they have to push before they get their way.
I see it twice a day, 5 days a week on my way to work. There is a beautiful and smart child between 3 & 4 yrs old who becomes an uncontrollable monster the minute she doesn't get her way, or people don't dote on her - even strangers. Her mother fusses at her, but always loses the arguement. Those of us who recognize the pattern would dearly love lay a paddle across the child's butt and shake up her world before it is too late. I dread what this girl will be like by the time she is teenager.