Quote:
Originally Posted by YuriTokoro
Hi.
Could you correct my English?
"Book : Guin Saga Vol.129"
This is the latest volume of Guin Saga, entitled “The Child Chosen”.
This is what Skarr (second son of the Arugosu king)said:
“You say that we, unknowing and manipulated by gods, try to escape fate desperate to survive and achieve our ambitions. At the same time in unknown parts of the world, necromancers and strange monsters are gathering power in order to dominate the whole world, don’t you? No kidding!”
The storyline seems to be becoming a magic and monsters story. I prefer human stories instead. If a powerful wizard appears, settles wars and save people in the end, you wouldn’t like such absurd story.
I believe that telling a wizard story is difficult, and you would need to decide what a powerful wizard should be able to do. If there are many almighty wizards, "normal" people no longer serve a purpose in the story. The author might know it, so she had a Skarr character speak the above quotation.
The problem is the author has died. Who can take over this world’s longest great story?
Thank you.
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Most of the revision I made were to the lines quoted by Skarr. Too many phrases in one sentence separated by commas makes reading difficult and complicate the concepts the writer wants the reader to know. Also, the two references to "indifferent" were changed to "unknowing" and "normal" to better fit in with the sentece context.
"Unknowing" in the first revision can mean people personally do not know the reasons behind their actions or who is controlling them. This way of explaining fits it with whom the speaker believes *is* controlling them (the gods).
"Normal" in the second revision means that people, compared to individuals who can use magic, are just ordinary beings unable to effect the world in the same way that magic users are able.
I do share your feelings that introducing such elements into a story that had previously been mostly political and intrigue-driven doesn't seem to fit well. There is a Latin term I know, "deus ex machina", that can explain why something like this can, and has, happened to Guin Saga. It means that the author has written the story in such a way that there is no logical way forward, so divine intevention (or other sweeping changes to the storyline) is used to escape and continue the story.
In this case, the original author has pased away, taking with her most of the ways she had planned the story to go in the future. The people now writing Guin Saga either do not know these ways or do not wish to use them, so introducing things like magic users is an easy way to change the story to what they wish to see happen.
I myself have recently finished a book entitled "Dragon Age" authored by David Gaiden. It's connected to a computer game that is due to be released fairly soon. Most of the story was somewhat interesting, but the farther I read, the more I can see the author skipped entire scenes, useful subplots, or disposed of somewhat major characters so the story would end at a certain point. The story actually didn't end properly, either (the usual "this is a story being told to the son of the main characters" thing). It may not be as bad as Guin Saga's changes, but it's something similar and just as insulting to the reader.
Hope that is of some help, Yuri.
