Hi everyone
I offered to help someone with some translations for a fanmade project regarding Fate/Stay Night. They want one of the characters, Assassin, to speak entirely in Japanese, however, the producer of the project knows zero Japanese. I took 4 years of Japanese in college, so I thought I'd be at least better than a google translator or something, but the lines he wants are a bit more complicated than I was prepared for.
The character Assassin is supposed to be a legendary spirit of Sakaki Kojiro (
Sasaki KojirÅ - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) so he speaks like a samurai.
I've translated the lines to the best of my ability and was hoping I could get some feedback from you all.
So far this is just the audition process, so there are only 3 lines. The first two are straight from the anime and I'm fairly sure I copied them down right, but have included them to help give a feel for the character. The third line is really what I need help on.
1. E: "That's the way to go. Now, let's duel, Saber."
J: "Sore de yoi, de wa hatashiaou zo, Saber"
2. E: "Ready your stance, else you shall die, Saber."
J: "Kamae yo, samonakuba shinu zo, Saber"
3. E: "Caster, I will put it as elequantly as I can. You should be grateful I am bound to someone like you, if circumstances were different, I would have beheaded you before you finished wagging your tongue."
J: "Caster, umaku iu to omae mitai na hito to keiyaku wo kawashita koto kanshashite-te yo. Kyouchi ga chigattara omae no kuchi wo aketa mae ni sugu kakushimashita."
Any (positive) feedback is welcome
I would really like to know if the Japanese I wrote is grammatically correct/makes sense in the first place and also what I can do to change it to be closer to the English sentence.
Thanks guys!!