[darksyndrem]

I'm currently writing a personal essay for an application to an arts school. The application is due Monday. It has to be 500-1000 words, and the topic reads: "Hannah Arendt claims, 'For true greatness the presence of others is required." Write an essay about how individual accomplishment depends on some sense of other people. You might define 'greatness' in a variety of ways, and you should feel free to consider real or imagined 'others' in your response." I'm 4 paragraphs into it (645 words), and I believe I'm coming to an end. At least, I hope so, because it's due in two days.

I wanted to get your opinion of what I have now, and where you think I should go next or how I should conclude this. Here is what I have now:

"True greatness and individual accomplishment are nothing short of absolute perfection. Perfection, requiring willpower and endurance of the mind, shows a power and a freedom that some have never dreamt of, and few believe they will ever achieve such great heights. This is due to a number of things, including unbelief, faithlessness, and most importantly, negligence. For one cannot achieve excellence, if he were to simply stand and gawk upon his inabilities, overlooking and underestimating passive potential. True greatness requires an intimate passion and desire.

Though true greatness depends upon belief and passion, there is still something that is required most of all, and that is people. Though it cannot be said that one requisite is more important than another, perfection will not be acquired without the presence of others. There are many levels of this: one cannot learn a skill or craft, such as blacksmithing, without a master to teach an apprentice how, where, and when to hit the metal, or more importantly, someone to make a forge and anvil. A pianist cannot be taught the art, unless someone was there to build a piano, or to tune it. However, this is merely one example of the complex adaptive system that has lead to technological advances in humanity, and does not even begin to show the depth of this necessity of people. People are likely the most important component to growing, not physically but mentally and emotionally. They are the components by which we grow stronger in that we are able to seek out and find greatness in its most intimate form.

This interpretation of greatness is not easily found. there is no doubt that some believe it can only be given by a god or some sort of higher power (which I would agree with to an extent, in the sense that a god can give opportunities to obtain this level of greatness; it can then be taken or rejected by an individual), but either way, this beauty of perfection seems not to fall in many people's lives. Aside from the lack of opportunity that is given, this intimate form of greatness has yet to be described. This greatness is better defined as a wholeness that carries a sense of absolute peace. It is flawlessness, not necessarily within an action, but rather choices that must be made. It is what I long for most of all. It is the hope that one day; I may reach this inexplicable height and never fall back into flaws.

However, there is not only a common and literal sense of the need of people or this intimate sense of greatness. There is also something in between these two extremes. Instead of finding greatness within people, or requiring people as a resource to achieve greatness, there is a level in which people are an outside force that affects our own abilities. Johannes Sebastian Bach, an accomplished composer of the Baroque, had two brothers who were both composers. But while all three siblings shared this ability, Bach was the one who was well renowned in his time, and even in our time, 300 years later. What separated Bach from his brothers? It could have been that he was simply more fortunate than the other two; however it is much more likely to have been that he not only composed pieces for royalty, but he did so under pressure. these people may have been supervising over his work, assuring themselves that Bach completed his tasks in a timely manner. This pressure was a sense of other people in his life, and in this sense, it is possible that he was able to find greatness and achieve perfection in his compositions. His being pressed is often interpreted as only a frustration and cause of stress in his life, although it brought him to be more than an exceptional artist."

That's all I have right now, and I'm considering leaving it to one more paragraph to conclude.

NOTE: This is philosophical and I have briefly mentioned god; however, I do not mean for this to be a discussion for religion or god at all. I am asking for nothing that requires that sort of discussion. If any mod feels that the conversation within these posts are unnecessary, according to the forum rules, please notify me before anything is deleted.