[Nyororin]

Compared to a lot of them including Japanese.

You know, I actually agreed with a lot of your points until you said this.

If there is anywhere that marriage is almost a completely financial arrangement, it`s Japan. Men get married to have children and someone to raise them and care for the house - and women get married for the monetary stability. It`s quite transparent, and love / mutual support is really a bonus on top if you`ve got it.

It really sounds like you have a very idealized image of Japanese women... Pretty common and almost always leading to a very bad end.

Anyway - to address the original points.

A marriage is only as strong and valid as those involved in the marriage think it is. If you look at marriage as a trap, then that is what it will become. If you look at is as a way of getting official recognition for a strong relationship - that is what it will be. And if you look at it as a way of screwing the other person (ie. selfishly and for your advantage alone), that is what it will become.
The institution of marriage itself is not at fault - it`s the attitudes toward marriage that are. For those who take it seriously and put a high value on it, it can be a very good arrangement.

I personally do believe in soulmates, or a similar idea - the thing is I think they are very hard to find. In the majority of cases, you`re probably not going to find them. And the majority of people who incorrectly think they`ve found their soulmate with find out the hard way after a few years.

The chicks who told you to get lost when they were young and hot, chased by every guy and got free things will be itching to get with you when they start losing their looks. After they've spent a decade getting banged out by hot guys, the ride will be over for them. Get with a younger, better one instead, but never marry them. Guys have this advantage, we only gain value as we age if we work hard. Not so with female bimbos.

I agree with this. The big problem is that you are applying the behavior of "bimbos" to the entire population of women. Not all women are "bimbos"... But chances are if you`re looking for women in the type of places you find bimbos, that is all you`re going to find. Honest and decent women don`t usually hang around with the "bimbos". And they also usually don`t want to end up with the type of guy who will fall for a "bimbo".

And yes, get ready for the moans and hisses from the neo-feminists who like the system as it is already, but it's your choice to listen to them. I have the stats and they're full of it. And you don't have to get legally married by a failed contract institution to love somebody and start a family.

I feel that I`m very far from a feminist - but I still don`t think that marriage should be abolished. I do feel attitudes toward marriage should change very very much though. If you see marriage as something that you can get out of with relative ease later on if you "don`t like it" - then the number of marriages that have not been thought through will go up, and the number of divorces will shoot up with it. If you think of marriage as something that really is for life and not just for as long as I want it... It becomes a much larger commitment with much greater repercussions. People would also be a bit more likely to try to work through things instead of just popping over to annul the thing the first time something big goes wrong.

As it stands though, it is worth as much as you believe it is. If you honestly make marriage a commitment for life and your partner does the same - what is wrong with the situation? You are officially recognized as a team, you both have the security of knowing that things aren`t so easy to run away from, finances are consolidated, etc.

I personally think that there is some issue with feminism in this - too many women feel that they should have all the rights of men, and special ones on top because they are women. If you`re equal, you`re equal - if you`re not, you`re not.

I`ve been married almost 10 years - and it`s all what you put into it. Both my husband and I put our all into the marriage, and we are incredibly happy. We both understand each other (something sorely lacking, I think, in a lot of marriages... Either because of poor communication or a lack of interest) so there is little that could trigger fighting. We`d either both do the same thing in the same situation, or at the very least know what the other is thinking. We also both appreciate each other and accept our roles. I am in debt to my husband for the crap he has to go through to earn enough to support all of us, and he is in debt to me for taking care of everything in his absence and raising our son responsibly. He ranks my effort above his, but I rank his above mine. It all evens out.