Quote:
Originally Posted by bELyVIS
Yes, that post was deleted. And no, someone else posted the post about the losers thing awhile back. Not you or Nyororin.
And as far as having bad experiences with women from a certain country, yes, but the majority of women in a country act alike due to culture. Isn't this true? So if I don't like the way the majority of the woman in a certain country act, why am I wrong for finding someone from a country where I like how the Majority of the woman act? Seems logical to me.
You know I first commented on this to give a guy a positive outlook on getting what he wanted. But it only takes one A-hole (not you) to turn this into a negative thing and it seems to be the same one always.
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Yes it's true that culture will lead to certain modes of behavior that are shared by the population, however to say "the
majority of women in a country act alike" in correspondence to "having bad experiences with women from a certain country" insinuates that the bad experience is directly relational to women's behavior. I can't help but object to that as that somehow makes it women's fault, and it's never so one-sided. Equally you could say it is the cultural male norms of that lead men to make bad choices/ have bad experiences/ act poorly in a relationship/ dislike how the women act.
There's quite a gender split with this kind of issue. Women might raise up men of other nationalities as a preference, but in my experience, they're less likely to put down the men of their own country. The comments are usually things like "They just don't do it for me/ I just don't understand them" or "It's just this area. Guys around here are X/Y/Z." Men tend to raise up other groups of women, but then SLAM the rest on a much wider basis.
It's also quite fair enough to say "I prefer the Japanese culture's approach to dating" and it's not wrong to then focus on that. It IS wrong to put the entire blame on the women of your home country and it IS wrong to say such things if you have no experience of Japan, it's culture or it's women, or indeed any culture outside of your own. If you have dated 20 women from 20 different countries and prefer japan after that, sure. But don't date 20 american women and then decide from what you know from the media that Japanese women are better because their culture makes them so, especially if you're going to use that point to slag off the women of your home country.
Unfortunately that is exactly the approach a lot of men who come to Japan seem to have taken and that is exactly what a lot of us find so offensive. One girl I knew was turned down by a guy who told her, "You're nice, but I only date Japanese girls now. Sorry."
I haven't given an opinion yet and honestly I don't think there is much wrong with purposefully seeking a partner of XYZ race. HOWEVER, there's a lot of conditionals tacked onto that. If you are obsessive yet ignorant or using it as a point to be racist, or taking advantage of the girls you are seeking (i've seen some guys treat them like meat. It's disgusting) then I wholly disagree. But I have quite a few friends dating Japanese people and I have never thought of them as being racist or stupid for their choices. I've also been on the receiving end of the "let me tell you what you should want and how what you want is wrong" chat for dating my last boyfriend. It's insulting to be told either you're settling or else "You're only with *name* because you're an obsessed weeaboo" (genuine quote off this one guy. Laughably inaccurate, as my ex was mostly american indian with some korean thrown in and if you cut me in two I'd have " Oh I say! A Cotswold's Gymkhana!" through me like a stick of rock) so I can appreciate where you're coming from.
But then that's the whole issue, because those who ARE genuine about such a relationship have to battle both sides of the argument. The push of "You shouldn't pick just by race because it's dumb and offensive" AND the defense of "You can't help who you fall in love with."
I was actually a little impressed with the OP. All else asides, I got the impression he was mostly asking how to find japanese people to socialize with or start a long distance relationship and wasn't just "OMG<JAPANESEGIRLS WANT NAOOO!"