[xzilireight]

Well, it's hard for me to dissect my feelings in that way.
The things I remember loving about Japan are the food, the four seasons, the feel of the sun on my face on a summers evening when the cicadas are chirping like crazy, the small hospitalities from neighbors...

I was also very young at the time and lost all contact with anyone I knew in Japan.
I'm in the process of digging up old addresses to try and get back in touch with people who I know looked out for me,but I'm afraid that they will think of me as "that trouble-making gaijin kid" (even though it has been almost 10 years now.) For the most part, I want to thank them, and rebuild connections for the future.

But there is a part of me that wonders if it really is a waist to let the past stay in the past. People seem annoyed that I don't use my language, or tell me that I am denying my destiny...so I am trying to start over.

I just don't understand why I'm expected to be so positive about something that hurt me. It seems like a social expectation to good on my promise to "bridge the two cultures" or something. I don't understand why...