Quote:
Originally Posted by xzilireight
Well, it's hard for me to dissect my feelings in that way.
The things I remember loving about Japan are the food, the four seasons, the feel of the sun on my face on a summers evening when the cicadas are chirping like crazy, the small hospitalities from neighbors...
I just don't understand why I'm expected to be so positive about something that hurt me. It seems like a social expectation to good on my promise to "bridge the two cultures" or something. I don't understand why...
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I think hind-sight is always highly skewed. I had a pretty horrible time at school as well and all i could clearly remember about my childhood over the space of a certain 3-4 years were fights with my sister and the bullying. Looking back on the family videos though, there were a lot of happy times i'd completely forgotten about. The kid on camera was a completely different person to the one in my memory.
I think it's wise to try looking at Japan again with an adult perspective and give it a second chance. If the issue is a bother to you, then it's best to try and face up to it, but don't feel like you have to be forced back into your past. It's been ten years; things and people change drastically over such a long time. It might be better to think of those people as acquaintances-of-a-friend you have never met rather than strictly as "so-and-so who said/did this-and-that". Be open. You can always walk away. There's no real reason why you can't go there and forge new, unrelated links that are more in keeping with how you want to relate to Japan and it's culture, outside of the influence of your mother or your past.