Quote:
Originally Posted by YuriTokoro
Hi.
Could you correct my English?
"Trip to Okinawa Last Week"
This was my first time visiting Okinawa, which is the southernmost prefecture of Japan. The area is very famous for its delicious food and distinctive culture.
I went there to listen to Okinawan folk songs performed live. Okinawan songs are popular and available on a lot of CDs. I myself have quite a few. You might have heard of “Hana” or “Shima Uta”.
Since I believe these songs are very cool, I thought most Okinawan people would love to sing their songs. However, it turned out that the folk songs were sung only in restaurants or on the street for tourists. Most young Okinawa people seemed to prefer hit tunes there instead.
I knew most young Japanese prefer hit songs, and in Okinawa it appears no different.
Years ago, when I planned to go to Ireland, I was asked one of my English teachers from there why I wanted to go her hometown. I said that was to listen to Irish music performed live. Surprisingly, she replied that “They are boring.”
I used to learn Japanese folk singing and Japanese classical dancing, but quit because few other young people did so. I don’t listen or dance them at all now.
Do you love playing your traditional music or dancing? How about your friends?
Thank you!
Okinawa Prefecture - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
YouTube - はいさいおじさん -沖縄民謡-エイサーショー2Haisai Ojisan -Okinawa Folk Song Minyo |
Quite an informative post, Yuri. It's interesting to see how aspects of culture other people find exotic are just everyday occurances to those living the culture, only done for tourism reasons. I tend to place some of the blame on how small the globe has become due to the internet and other easy ways of communicating for people preferring whatever new "music" comes out. Myself, I find that the music I listen to is old enough to graduate from high school. Right now, I'm listening to songs from an album released in 1997!
On to the revisions:
"So these songs are very cool that I thought most Okinawa people love and sing their songs."
was changed to
"Since I believe these songs are very cool, I thought most Okinawan people would love to sing their songs."
This was done to create a framework of your preconceptions in order to contrast them with Okinawan individuals' opinions in the rest of the paragraph.
"I knew most young Japanese prefer hit songs, again in Okinawa, the state seems to be the same."
was changed to
"I knew most young Japanese prefer hit songs, and in Okinawa it appears no different."
This was done, again, to illustrate your preconceptions based on knowledge of young Japanese people's music preferences. In this case, your preconceptions proved correct in showing music preferences of young Okinawan people. I'm surmising you are comparing young people's preferences between areas, though if that is not the case, the sentence still functions well as revised.
Also, the above revision is somewhat of an English saying to my thinking. "Appears no different" can be seen as somewhat difficult to understand as written, but it carries the same meaning that two or more things are identical when examined under certain criteria.
"Years ago, when I planned to go to Ireland, I was asked one of my English teachers
from there why I wanted to go her hometown."
The bolded revision was done to streamline the readability of the sentence while still referring clearly back to the English teacher's country of origin.
Also, the revision in the sentence explaining your reasons for not continue traditional singing and dancing was done for the same reason. "Few other young people did so" both reference the group you identify with and the activities explained earlier in the sentence.
My family doesn't have any traditional dances, and little traditional songs beyond Christian songs. Personally though, I have many Canadian singing groups I listen to frequently, and I suppose they could be called my traditional songs. I don't sing myself as I don't have that good a singing voice.
Hope this will be of use, Yuri!
