[Columbine]

Originally Posted by Sashimister

"Mother" instead of "lady"?

Yeah, I had that down originally, then for some reason I thought it was too weird to have these college aged girls with an 'elderly mother'. I should have just put 'mother' and dropped the 'elderly' bit.

Originally Posted by Sashimister

Adjctives ending in く can only modify verbs.[/color]

That is so useful to know! I have never understood the use of くwith an adjective. My teacher gave us the impression it was just an aesthetics thing and never even mentioned it modified verbs!

Originally Posted by Sashimister

"relation like walking through a forest"?
Maybe something like "got close enough to take walks through the forest by ourselves"?

That pesky やうな again...

Originally Posted by Sashimister

Not sure if you got the structure. The first half of the sentence refers to the fact that she was calling him young master."

You're right, i only half got it. I knew it was related, but didn't quite put it down as being explicitly so.

Originally Posted by Sashimister

自分 = the girl. 自分 modifies 知つてる. I don't want to start lecturing but 自分 is one of the key words to make your Japanese sound more natural. Seems to me Japanese-learners seldom use it. We use it so many times daily.

Ok, i know it's horribly complex and if it's going to be a pain, please don't feel obliged to answer, but how do you tell that 自分 is the girl? Because of the previous sentence? 自分 is a nasty word for Japanese-learners because we're told it means 'yourself, myself' and we're given examples of it using it from our own perspective　（このテブルを自分で作った etc）. Then later you find out it's used to talk about other people, and when other people are talking about third parties, and it's just so muddled people generally stop using it altogether because it's too easy to get it wrong. At least, that's my experience of 自分.

Originally Posted by Sashimister

You probably paid too much respect to the original Japanese word order, resulting in a hard-to-follow translated sentence. To me, yours starts off sounding like that "I" is the subject and then it changes to "she" in the middle.

It's really clunky, i know. I was already aware i'd made a bunch of mistakes in this section, so I stuck to the japanese for this one to at least get the general translation right.

Originally Posted by Sashimister

"with their degree of liking for me"?
好加減に means "halfheartedly", "irresponsibly"

I had dictionary issues on that one... so 私の方でも好加減に、華族の息子としてふるまつて居た would be "even though I did so halfheartedly, I behaved as though I were the son of some nobleman." I'm still a little stuck on しまひには. I think しまひ must be 姉妹 but the には. I ~want~ to put something like "Because of the sisters (conviction), it couldn't be helped, and even though-" but to me には doesn't seem like a 'because'.

Originally Posted by Sashimister

It's the girl, not the narrator, who looked like she wanted to tell a secret.

"On the small paths of the cicada ringing forest, basking in the summer twilight, with the girl my quiet acquaintance, it seemed like she would open up completely and reveal whatever secret was in her heart"?

Well, I did a bit of a lousy job on this one. Only more part to go.
直してくれてありがとうございました、SM−さん。And thank you for the link, that's really nifty!