Quote:
Originally Posted by YuniYasha
I've been studying Japanese very slowly lately, but I decided to create a conversation in Japanese. I only have a Online translator to tell me if I did it right, so I was wondering if anyone could help me correct my work?
こんにちは、カイル！ああ、こんにちは！私のIPhoneどこ ですか？貴方のIphoneあれです。いいえ、あれは私のIPhone じゃありません。ああ、私はすみません。 あれは貴方 のIphoneですか？はい！あれは私のIphoneです、どうも ありがと！どういたしまして。。さようなら！はい 、さようならカイル！
According to the translator, it's almost perfect, but I can't trust those damn things. It should be saying something like:
"Hello, Kyle! Oh, hello! Where is my Iphone? Is that your Iphone over there? That is not my IPhone. Oh, I'm sorry. Is that your Iphone? Yes! That is my Iphone, thank you very much! Your welcome. Goodbye. yah, goodbye Kyle."
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Try and structure it so its like this：
A: おはいよう！
B：カイル、おはいよう。
Makes it easier for the reader to know exactly who is talking.
If person A knows Kyle's name, you should assume Kyle knows person A's name too. In which case he'd never use あなた unless they were married or something. When using かto denote a question, you don't add a question mark afterwards. The か IS the question mark.
貴方のIphoneあれです is wrong. It's missing particles for a start. The way you put it the second time round あれは貴方のIphoneですか is much, much better.
Everything else is ok... It makes sense I mean, but I don't think some of word choices are ideal. That's ok, because you've just started out, but just be aware that さようなら is a pretty final way of saying goodbye for this kind of situation, and that すみません seems like Kyle feels like he's made a total social blunder thinking some other iPhone is Bob's. you say すみません if you're disturbing someone, or apologizing. Something like そうですか。では、あのiPhoneはどうですか？ might be a little more natural. "Oh I see. How about that iPhone over there then?"
そうですかis an amazing little phrase. It can mean 'oh I see', 'really?', 'I didn't know that', 'huh, is that so?', 'oh, my mistake' etc, so it's pretty useful for when you've just been told something you a) didn't know at all or b) was contrary to what you did know. では is just a polite way of saying "well then," or "in that case" it's a fairly neutral way to segue into another sentence where you're introducing something new or changing the subject slightly.
がんばってね！