[Tsuwabuki]

I would never say something like that - but it is indeed irrelevant to me. It`s not that I don`t care. It`s the details I don`t care about.
You know you`re in the wrong? Okay.
You plan to prevent the same thing from happening again? Okay.
The whys and hows aren`t the important part. I trust people to actually make a plan of action and follow it without telling me about it.

The whys and the hows are as important as the the admission of guilt and the promise to avoid a pattern of mistakes. An apology is incomplete without them, either as the apology giver, or the apology receiver. I trust people to make a plan of action and follow it, but I'd like to know what it is. If they need help, I can offer that help. Trust, but verify.

I meant it as a trust related thing. I guess "kindness" wasn`t the best wording.

I'm still not following.

I don`t want to intrude into anyone`s life. I don`t want to put them on the stand for a simple mistake or problem. If they do know they`re in the wrong, and they do intend to make sure it doesn`t happen again - how they do this is up to them.

Indeed, it is up to them, but I still feel it is part of my duty to evaluate their plan and to offer advice. I do this because I care, and because it is part of my job. I have no interest in belittling them, causing them discomfort, or blowing holes in the plans they do have. I do it because I wish to give direction. As a supervisor, manager, team leader, naval officer, or a teacher, giving direction is in my job description.

I wouldn`t want anyone to intrude into my personal life and personal affairs for a simple mistake or problem. I feel a person who accepts my honest apology and my word that it won`t happen again is going to win a lot more points in my book than someone who wants to know exactly why and exactly how I plan to do that. I would feel that I am being put on the spot, and that if I don`t have the type of answer and plan they want to hear that it will negatively effect their view of me.

I would want someone to show they cared enough about me as a member of their team to consider the reasons for my mistake, and work with me on preventing those reasons from reoccurring. I would certainly not feel on the spot, nor would I be concerned that my plan of action would be insulted or seen negatively, and if there were flaws in it, I would want them to be pointed out. God knows, when I do make mistakes, I can use all the help I can get!

I can only imagine someone else would feel similarly if I asked the same thing of them.

Well, if I ever need to apologise to you, will you accept my full apology, knowing the spirit of sincerity in which it is given? And perhaps give someone who uses the same apology "format" the benefit of the doubt that they are not equivocating or evading blame, but rather are sincere?

I think that a lot of this is a cultural thing, and that I really have lived here long enough that the whole idea of being made to defend myself seems a lot more demeaning than just ending the issue with an apology.

That's what it comes down to. If asked to explain yourself, you would feel demeaned. If I was cut off or thought negatively of because I explained myself, I would feel demeaned. And do feel demeaned, actually, which is what started this whole side discussion.

I understand why Japanese people are not interested in hearing my full apology. I just wish they understood why I feel I need to give the full apology, and how upsetting it is to have half of it ignored, especially when given in complete sincerity.

There should be some attempt to accept both kinds of apologies depending on who they come from and understanding the spirit in which they are offered.

Originally Posted by SSJup81

[font="Times New Roman"][size="3"]IMO, I think it probably depends on the reason given. The one that you posted earlier sounded...well, I dunno. It does sound like the "blame game" to me. Now, if in something like a traffic jam, I could see a person mentioning that, and then explaining how he/she will leave earlier to avoid the heavy morning traffic, but going on about your alarm clock or not having someone wake you up sounds like nothing but a person trying to talk his/her way out of getting into trouble...then again, you're also giving a solution to prevent it from happening again.

MissMisa chose the reasons. I just rewrote it. It's not my fault, it's not my fault!

All seriousness, I probably would not ever utter such an apology in reality. For one thing, I don't wake up late. I haven't been able to sleep past 0650 in years. I haven't need an alarm clock since Fall 2003.

It was probably a bad example for a serious full apology. The one I wrote about misreading the schedule is probably much more realistic.

I don't know why, but if I'm late to work because I overslept, I wouldn't say anything or give a reason. I'd just apologize for being late and make a mental note of what I can do so that I don't oversleep again. Unless I'm asked, I won't tell.

Every job I have ever been late to has asked why if I left it out. When I was a supervisor at a cinema, and I was trained to ask why. In the Navy, I was asked why. Sometimes I even had to submit "why" in paper form! The reasoning behind the full apology I have defended here made sense then, and it makes sense now.