[Tsuwabuki]

Originally Posted by MMM

I think that is OK if you are dealing with children, but with adults this sounds strange to me. Beyond "why" to require an action plan on how it will not happen again, again might be OK for children, but if you were my supervisor I would seriously consider filing a complaint or looking for a new job. That is incredibly condescending.

This is your perception, not my intent. All this does is provide more evidence for what I have already stated. You may disagree with my managerial style, but it is unfair to attribute condescension to me. My respect for you as a valued member of the team is why I would ask in the first place! If I didn't respect you, I would not care, I would not ask, I would assign you a plan of action, and I would fire you if you did not carry it out. I certainly wouldn't do that to you unless I believed you to have thoroughly earned such treatment.

I have worked for a handful of Japanese bosses, and 1 minute late has been enough to merit a comment.

One time I was supposed to pick up a client at 8:00 AM. At 8:03 I received a call from my boss asking me where I was. The client had called him at 8:01 to complain I hadn't arrived to pick him up. Now when I deal with Japanese men I show up 15 minutes early, and find that often times, they are already there.

I've heard this. I've dealt with this on rare occasions. I always try to show up ten minutes early every where I go period. In any culture. My point was that even different jobs have different views. Even in Japan.

I think we are seeing Navy thinking versus civilian thinking.

In the case of the XO, certainly, but I have spent far more time as a civilian. I don't speak for the Navy, I am trying to describe my own experiences with in it as both subordinate and as senior. This is to give a wider range of experiences, not to suggest it is my only experience.

I think it shows a lack of respect, which is fine for a teacher to student or a sergeant to private, but doesn't work in the workplace or between equals.

I disagree. It's the child or trainee I wouldn't even expect the ability to formulate a plan from. My belief in your abilities to do so shows how much I respect you as a person capable of doing so. That I wish to work with you on your plan of action shows that you matter, you can certainly refuse my help, and I won't hold it against you, but I'm making myself available in case you need me.

I'm sorry doesn't excuse the behavior, it shows an admission of error, or in other words, remorse.

I do not concur that remorse is an admission of error. I can be remorseful about an action that I felt was not a mistake. I'm sorry alone does not an apology make. In the example I offered above, I'm sorry I killed the bad guy. I didn't make a mistake.

If it were to happen again and again "I'm sorry" is going to clearly mean less and less and will soon become unacceptable as the speaker clearly isn't feeling remorse, as the behavior hasn't changed.

See above.

"My mom forgot to wake me up," does not show remorse or understanding the mistake was yours.

Even "My mom forgot to wake me up, so I am not going to trust her to wake me up anymore," is still lame, as you are blaming your mom, but then are taking responsibility for her inaction.

Addressed.

Again, this sounds like military protocol, but not how civilians act.

I think you're getting hung up on that. It constitutes a minority of my experience, although I admit it does constitute my first experiences (an admitted bias).

If any of my friends "offered evidence of his commitment to change" after showing up late, I would just scratch my head. If a date did that to me, I doubt I would be asking for a next date.

We were speaking professionally. I would indeed just say sorry to a friend and leave it at that. There's a good chance he or she already knows about the reason. In detail. In minute detail. Or is about to find out shortly.

If a date did that to you on the first date, I would find it odd as well. You have no continuous relationship. A girlfriend is something else entirely. If you've never offered evidence of a commitment to change in a committed relationship, I would be very surprised.