[Tsuwabuki]

Originally Posted by MMM

I think you are mixing up the uses of "I'm sorry".

This is a valid disagreement on the nature "sorry."

"I'm sorry about your father's death" is not an apology for any action the speaker did (assuming, of course, he didn't cause the father's death).

This is not remorse. This is empathy. The two are not the same. I do not mean this use of "sorry."

That is very different from "I apologize for your father's death" which is an admission of guilt.

So saying "I'm sorry" is showing remorse, but is not necessarily an admission of guilt.

I concur on your conclusions, but I do not concur on the above premise that being sorry for someone's condition is the same as being remorseful.

However, an admission of guilt without any remorse is not an apology.

"I was late. So what?" is an admission of guilt without showing remorse.

I concur with this, and have already stated it. A apology is made up of parts. Those parts together create an apology. And admission of guilt without remorse is definitely not an apology.

I think you can show admission of guilt and show remorse in a mistake you made by apologizing and saying "I'm sorry."

I agree. We disagree on what constitutes an apology beyond "I'm sorry."

As for the military comparison, I don't think I am hung up on it, I am just saying it appears they do things differently than the civilian world, which might help explain your perspective that the non-military members here do not share.

There some fairly large differences, yes. However, there are others who have expressed knowledge of the "Trust, but verify" approach to apologies. Not all of them have been in the military. I am not alone. I was putting forward a theory as to why non-Americans think Americans equivocate or deflect blame. If I give an apology in sincerity, with all the parts I consider necessary for an apology, than I am not equivocating or shifting blame. I am doing the opposite.

As an adult, I would not take your action plan to help ensure I am not tardy again as condescending. Supervisor or not, I would not take it as showing me care or respect. I would call it demeaning. They may do this in the military, and maybe it is because they can, but I don't think this would work in the working world unless it was something I thought I needed your help with.

I think we have a misunderstanding. I have no interest in providing a plan of action for you. Helping you, yes, if you need it. That's part of my job. You're an adult, if you understand your mistake, you should be able to come up with one on your own.

Only if you prove yourself incapable of doing so would I do it for you. And that is way beyond the scope of an initial apology.

Our disagreement stems from whether it is reasonable or not to expect and/or ask for that plan of action to be briefly outlined. I think it is. You think it is not.