[steven]

Wow... I guess I'm cheap because I usually split most of our meals out. As far as dates go, I've paid before, but so has my girlfriend. She does most of the cooking, but I'll cook sometimes too, so I guess we have a different kind of balance than most people. We usually split groceries, too.

To be honest though, the man paying for a date (certainly if it's note meant to be a long term relationship) is not much different for just paying. It's a little more classy, but there's always that aspect of it.

I understand what MMM said, and I think that's a pretty good policy... but if the girl never intends to cook for you then, to me at least, there's a bit of that weirdness there.

If we're strictly talking about dates (particularly with people who have been dating for a while), I can't say... but if we're talking about regular old going out, then I've seen the girls pitch in most of the time.

I think what MMM is talking about shows something deeper about the Japanese culture. There is a sense in 義理 (giri) in what he's talking about. You do something for someone with the comfort in knowing that your actions will be reciprocated somewhere down the road. I don't mean that in the sense that you're doing something looking for a reward, but I mean it in the way that there is trust in your relationship (be it with friends, family, or lovers). Sometimes you may throw down 30 bucks for someone... but you know they'll do the same thing for you in one way or another later on.

What I did not know was that men paying for women was so standard in Japan. I haven't seen as much of it (or done enough of it myself) to really have gotten an understanding of that I guess. As a foreigner women will always be happy when you open a door for them or let them through first and say things like "ohhh! `lady` first?", which is always a pleasure. At the same time, though, you see some guys holding their girlfriends' purses. I don't wanna hold my girlfriend's purse... that's why I don't have a purse myself. I carry other, heavier things, but not a purse (unless I'm holding it while she's going to the bathroom or something like that). Frankly, I don't think my girlfriend wants me carrying around her purse all the time either. I've seen guys carrying their girlfriends' purses down the street... I've never seen that in America, the percieved land of "ladies first". I may be straying into the "S or M" topic a little bit here though.