Quote:
Originally Posted by MMM
Ladies, understand. Men LOOK FORWARD to taking women they like out for dinner. This is why they work. We work to make money in order to be able to do things like this. This is what single men want to spend their money on. There is nothing more emasculating than a woman who refuses to let a man treat her like a women.
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Conversely, Gentlemen (the world over) understand. Women do appreciate your primal need to bring to our feet the fatted mammoth to make you feel manly. We very much like it (why else do you think so many spinsters keep cats? Its the only other species that bothers). But there is nothing less romantic and more awkward than a date that ends with us feeling obligated. You know what I mean. Particularly if the chemistry was only mediocre. It's a situation that sucks for us and it sucks for you. So take the hint; if we offer to pay when you ask us out (early in a relationship), there's possibly a reason.
At any rate it's 2010, and in some cultures you have to accept that some girls are going to offer, and that little polite power play over the check does much more in your favor if you don't get humpy about it. It's not about the money, or the provision- it's a control check, and a check to see if you respect us. Sometimes there is nothing more endearing than a man who is visibly pleased by our offer, but politely insists on spoiling us. That's the real gentleman. The one who all but declares 'absolutely not, you're the woman!" or who looks castrated by the very idea comes across as a misogynist at worst or a wet dipstick at best.
Or for some of us, being treated 'like a woman' means being treated 'like an adult' and just occasionally, "like an equal", so it can really grate if we can only 'pay you back' adequately with nookie or home-cooking. Even if we really do like you. Sorry if that means we don't pay you back sometimes, but honestly, you limit our options if you get too precious about your masculinity and too prescribing about what constitutes our femininity. And yes, there are some inconsiderate grubbing little harlots out there, but we mostly think their awful too. </modern western bias>
On a personal note, I loathe this rule book idea of dating. Surely, ~surely~ it should depend entirely on the two individuals in question and a compromise between expectations, and that shouldn't compromise the 'real gender' quality of either party. But in terms of cross-cultural dating, I do play it by culture, if someone I know who feels very traditional about dating asks me out and I accept, I will play by their rules (to a fair extent). But I also expect it to come back the other way and for them to try the view of my culture. I don't think that's an unreasonable demand. If they feel it is, then clearly they're not the person for me nor I for them. I can also appreciate that Japanese women might see things very differently to me, and I'm not going to knock that, and on many levels, that more traditional view of femininity is much more accepted and respected in Japan. But then, I'm not a japanese woman and I have other aspects to consider.
I think this is what creates a lot of issues for western women nowadays in Japan; either you can adapt to this, or you cannot. Back home it carries certain stigmas- that's hard to get past and Japanese men don't always understand where you're coming from.