[Nyororin]

Originally Posted by Columbine

Now here I agree with you wholeheartedly. It would be foolish of Party A to invite Party B out to a restaurant, say, that A cannot afford and then attempts to lump B with part of the bill. Even more so if B can't afford it either. It also is unfair if there's a big discrepancy between financial situations. But this is kind of a starting dating situation, where perhaps you don't know each other well. I guess my main beef was with the idea that women should -never- pay for the date.

I don`t think that anyone has said that a woman should never pay for a date. I just don`t think that a man who asks a woman out, and then expects her to pay her way should be expecting the relationship to turn into anything more.
And this all does apply to the early dates - once in a relationship the rules are up to the two of you.

I guess this is where we differ then; I see dating, on the whole, as a mutual activity. Being "taken out to dinner" is a one-sided activity, where of course I wouldn't expect to pay. But that's more like a special occasion, not a regular date. I might -get taken- on a date for an anniversary, birthday, first date or if he's especially screwed up somehow. But generally speaking, we just -go out- on a date.

But you`re talking about a steady relationship, right? There is a difference, and I pointed it out in the earlier post. "When you both know each other`s financial situations really well and it isn`t an issue really as it is already a serious relationship then it no longer matters. The same with once you`re married - it no longer matters. "

It is in those first dates that it counts, while the relationship is still figuring itself out. When you ask someone out on a date and are hoping that it will go further, if you then expect them to pay it becomes pretty iffy. Once you`re past that stage it doesn`t matter.

A kind of decennial gender shift?

Hey, I`m still in my 20s here, so even the 10 year explanation would be a bit iffy for explaining a generation gap.

To illustrate what I`m trying to say, imagine that you are not in a relationship and a guy you have met a few times but don`t know very well at all (Maybe know his name, but not anything else) asks you out on a date. He seems attracted to you, and you think that things have the potential to advance.
Once you finish dinner he checks the bill and pulls out half the cash and asks you to pay the rest. He never said he was going to pay, but he did ask you out and didn`t mention splitting the bill. What message would this send to you? It wouldn`t send a good one to me.