I think that society, to an extent, pushes parents into isolation. It isn`t necessary that you stay at home all the time and do nothing for yourself... It`s just the way that "advances" in childcare have pushed it.
There seems to be a culture of all or nothing when it comes to parenting, when that can`t be good for anyone involved.
I have a child and my life does not revolve around him, nor did it ever. I did very little differently once I was caring for him. But my philosophy was more that he was simply an addition to my already existing life - not that I needed to change the whole world to care for him.
It seems, at least to my eyes, that in the west there is a very strong line drawn between those who take care of the children and the rest of the "real world". In Japan that is a bit more blurred. This is why - to the often noted shock and horror of western visitors to Japan - you`ll see parents out with their children at bars or late in the evening. It isn`t poor parenting - it`s continuing life but with child in tow.
There is no inherent reason that you can`t go out and take your child with you - other than the eyes of "society"... Which seem to be particularly passionate about the subject in the west. It seems these days babies are close to taboo in public places that aren`t specifically set aside for parents. There always seems to be something in the news from somewhere about people getting offended when a parent brought a baby into some "adult" venue like... Oh, a cafe... Or the shock and horror of a mother feeding her baby in public. And not just by breast - people don`t want to see babies sucking on a bottle either it seems.
If society pressures you and you think that you shouldn`t be out doing anything for yourself because you have to be an ultra responsible parent now... You`re just going to become more and more frustrated, more and more isolated, and less a person than you were before. If you build walls, it won`t take long to find you`re stuck inside them.
Who is to say that you have to be stuck inside the house all day with a baby? Babies sleep better when in noisy environments and while being jostled about. Babies aren`t that exciting. Once you figure out how to change a diaper and clothes, and feed one... You`d might as well be out somewhere.
Quote:
|
Plus they've either got two options- you socialize with other mothers and their kids, which is great, but can end up wholly about the kids and for their sake alone and so nothing substantial, or you go out sans bebe with your friends who don't have children
|
Why are these the only options? I mean this honestly. Why can`t you take your baby out with your childless friends? Why can`t you go out without baby with other mothers who also haven`t brought their babies along? Sure you probably can`t go out binge drinking or to a night club with baby in tow - but you couldn`t the whole time you were pregnant either... And there are countless other things you can do with baby adhered - without them getting in the way.
I don`t know. It`s just a bit strange to me as my life didn`t particularly change once I had a kid. My life does not revolve around him, never has and never will. I just learned to find ways to continue doing things I wanted with him stuck on the side. Contrary to the teachings of various western parenting books, you can hold your baby all day and keep them from crying... and not only will they not become spoiled, but they`ll be quieter, happier, and sleep more than enough to keep you from being sleep deprived at night.
ETA;
Using your mind keeps you sharper. You don`t have to be paid for it.