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Originally Posted by Crownedinterror
And about the language difficulties... I speak Japanese. And about me wrongly perceiving Japanese cues. I don't know. I would say you are right, but I'm not a 100% sure.
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I am sorry, but if this was your first time spending some time in Japan... I question your ability to speak Japanese. Studying outside of Japan, and actually learning it while immersed in the culture are
completely different things. If you are making a fair number of mistakes, the other people may feel pressured to adjust their speech for your comprehension (INCREDIBLY tiring and stressful, no matter how friendly you feel toward the other person) or feel they should be trying harder to communicate with you in English.
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Ok maybe it's a bad example because it's a guy and a girl. But then we met her and she had this extremely phony intonation in English when she was talking to us (even while laughing) but would speak "normally" with her Japanese friend.
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That "phony intonation" is pretty normal. It`s not "phony", and I have no idea why it exists, but a LOT of people feel they should have a different "voice" in English.
She told me things she thought about Japanese girl being shy in bars and how men she would go out with would be too shy to kiss in public, walk hand in hand. I guess some of them are more true to strangers because they feel it's easier with them. (She even asked me if I was gay. It was pretty direct.)[/quote]
This one strikes me as more off putting than the rest of what you`ve mentioned. She was using you as a fantasy support - I`m guessing she was the type with a weird complex about how all foreign men are romantic and perfect, (usually from watching western movies...), and "showing off" by telling you how poorly she thinks of Japanese men and how highly she thinks of foreign men. It`s not being open - it`s trying to impress you, and pretty childish. Like the teens who run around saying they absolutely hate their home countries, home towns, etc... And saying they want to run off to Japan because it`s perfect there. Telling a Japanese person this isn`t being open - it`s trying to impress them but being immature about the whole thing.