Quote:
Originally Posted by YuriTokoro
Hi.
Could someone correct my English?
Bon
Bon(or Obon) is one of the Japanese Buddhist customs to honor the spirits of deceased ancestors. It takes places around August 15th in many areas all aver Japan.
During the Bon period, many people receive company holidays and go to visit their ancestors’ grave. We believe that the spirits of deceased ancestors return to this world during this period.
We also believe that the bad spirits come to this world from Hell when Bon starts. It is said that the maw of hell is opening, and they stay around water and drag people into their world. So many Japanese people avoid playing around a river, a lake, or a beach around Bon period.
Still, many people die in water around Bon. Do you believe this?
Thank you!
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Well done Yuri-san, this was mostly very natural sounding.
Few minor things:
1) 'ancestor' means a person in your family from a generation ~older~ than your grandparents, who is deceased. So 'deceased ancestor' is like saying 'a dead dead person.' Use just 'ancestors'.
2)"starts", this was a typo, i think.
3) "We also believe that the bad spirits come to this world from Hell when Bon stars, this is said that the maw of hell is opening, and they stay around water places and dragging people in their world." This works better as two shorter sentences. 'Water places' should be either 'watery places' or just 'water'. Don't worry, even if you just say 'water' people will know you mean things like rivers and lakes, not things like baths and sinks!
4) 'Verb+ing' always makes a verb act as a noun. It's like the の in 料理するのが好きです. But in "dragging people in their world", 'dragging' should stay as a verb because the subject of the sentence is the 'bad spirits' not the activity.
If you want to use 'dragging' you need to add another verb such as 'like' as in "the bad spirits stay around water and like dragging people into their world.'
5) 'In' and 'into' are easy to confuse. Believe me, even natives do it. You'll often hear people say things like "He went in the room", which is incorrect. But 'in' is like 'います/あります’, it only shows the place where something IS, so "he is IN the room" is correct, but if he has just ~entered~ somewhere, you have to say "He went INTO the room." The 'to' part makes the 'in' part directional. It suggests movement.