Quote:
Originally Posted by Columbine
That's what I meant when I said that by-stander intervention is lower particularly when no one is in immediate danger. The Hanshin Earthquake was exceptional. I've fallen off a bike, my friend got hit by a car and people were immediately there to help; I'm talking more about scenarios where it would be ~nice~ to help, but not essential. Old lady can't reach the top supermarket shelf etc.
A one-sided transaction is where party A does something for party B without any perception on either side that party B should then therefore do something for party A. The best way I can describe it is if for example, my friends and I are going to the theatre. Tickets bought Dutch. I live half-way between my friends' house and the theatre so I say to them that for practical reasons (it's a long drive maybe) they can stop at my house and I'll make a casual dinner before we go to the theatre. That dinner is a one-sided transaction. It's not a gift, its an effort made on my part that is completely neutral, to make things more convenient for everyone. That, I know from experience, would not work as easily in Japan. Because the person who was offered the dinner would perceive it as that a) this sort of dinner-giving is normally a mutual exchange over time but b) I was refusing to let them make it mutual so C) I was putting them down/myself up.
British people would be utterly unfazed about this. We might SAY 'oh i'll cook you dinner next time' to be polite, but there's no expectation it'll ever happen and zero backlash if it doesn't. There's also little to no substantial gain if it does. I'm not saying this never happens in Japan, or that this is true across all scenarios, i just think it happens much less often, and much less overtly than in the west.
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You sound a little judgmental about the Japanese sense of debt and I don't think it is anything we can judge. I hope I am not going too off topic here, but I have a couple of points to make.
One of the positive things I have adopted for myself is finding balance and showing gratitude when people do nice things for me. A "one way" transaction should be (to me) a "two way" transaction. For example, I learned early on that if an older individual pays for my food or drinks, it is important to show my genuine thanks at that time AND immediately the next time I see them. You would be surprised how many Americans are taken aback when reminded they did something nice for someone, and it is still appreciated.
I guess this isn't off topic because it is part of the social harmony of Japan to feel indebted when someone does something nice for you. If you were to make dinner for me before we went to a show I WOULD feel like I should return the favor to you somehow. Chances are I would ask you "What can I bring?" in advance or bring drinks to show my thanks.
I think this is good for society, as if we are all takers we need a lot of givers. It is more balanced if everyone is takers and givers.