[Nyororin]

I think that the example of dinner is a difficult one, but I do see what is being said. Particularly so as a friend from the UK is in the habit of asking me to stay for dinner. I know she makes a lot and isn`t doing anything special by asking me to stay... And I know I`m probably actually doing her a favor by reducing the leftovers... And I know that she`s happy to have me there and is not expecting anything in return...

But the me that has lived in Japan for the past 10+ years screams in terror every time because it just raises the level of "debt" I have to her for the food. So I do indeed feel that I need to go out of the way the "repay" this. Not just by being thankful and expressing gratitude - but by actual monetary value. The food she uses is costing money, and gratitude does not replace that. It sounds petty to talk in terms of value, but that`s what it comes down to. In my mind I have to weigh out whether what I have done for her balances the scale.

I would also use the example of, say, carrying a bunch of bags or boxes. If somoene were to help me carry some of them a short distance, it would be a (heartfelt and honest) thank you and done with sort of thing in the US.
In Japan, on the other hand, I would feel kind of obligated to ask the person in for a cup of tea or something. I couldn`t comfortably just say thank you and it be done with.

I mean, think about having a repair person come to your house in Japan. This is probably the best example.
Even though it`s their job, and even if they`re only in your house for 15 minutes hooking something up - it`s still unthinkable to not offer them a cup of tea and thank them profusely. Regardless of whether they`re being paid to do the work, you`re still having them come all the way to your house to do it - they are being inconvenienced in some way by you. You should be apologetic for this, just as they are should be apologetic for the fact that they have to intrude into your house to do something - inconveniencing you.