[dogsbody70]

But the me that has lived in Japan for the past 10+ years screams in terror every time because it just raises the level of "debt" I have to her for the food. So I do indeed feel that I need to go out of the way the "repay" this. Not just by being thankful and expressing gratitude - but by actual monetary value. The food she uses is costing money, and gratitude does not replace that. It sounds petty to talk in terms of value, but that`s what it comes down to. In my mind I have to weigh out whether what I have done for her balances the scale. (NYORORIN)


I have read about this issue of indebtedness. That even an unborn child will be born with indebtedness to al lwho have gone before. Somewhere it was called "ON" I believe by Ruth Benedict.

When I do something for someone I do not expect anything back from them though always appreciate a thankyou.

We /ME at Christmas always feel that we have to send christmas cards to those who have sent Us a card.

I do quite alot for my japanese friend, she used to bombard me with unwanted gifts-- I well understand that was/is her way of saying thankyou.


I have managed to slow down the number of gifts--because to me--helping people should be part of what we human beings do naturally. I understand her feelings of course because it can be embarassing to receive help-- but she is a stranger here so I feel it is the least I can do to help her. I am fond of her so like to do things for her.

She talks frequently of DUTY . how important it is.

It is nice to reciprocate but not always possible.

Usually if one is invited to a house for a meal it is polite to return the compliment at a later date.