Aww, I just realized before posting this that Koir has already replied. D:
Oh well, I'll post it anyways.
Quote:
Originally Posted by YuriTokoro
Hi.
Could someone correct my English?
“My nephew”
This is a story of my brother’s son who is three years old.
One day, his family and I went to shopping together. My brother was looking for a hydroscope for his son, but the shop didn’t have ones for children.
On the car home, my nephew said to his father.
“Papa, will you buy me a hydroscope? Will you buy me a hydroscope?”
He repeated that endlessly.
Then my brother said, “I hear you. If you repeat once more, I won’t buy one for you.”
The child answered, “OK, since I won’t say that any more, that buy me a hydroscope. Since I won’t say that any more, that buy me a hydroscope, please!”
He started repeating that endlessly.
We just had to grin.
Thank you.
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Very good English Yuri.
Here are my corrections:
Red = Delete
Green = Add
Correction: One day, his family and I went
to shopping together.
Explanation: In this case, "to" isn't needed unless it's preceding a place. For example, "his family and I went to the shopping mall together" would work as well.
Correction: On During the car
ride home, my nephew said to his father, “Papa, will you buy me a hydroscope? Will you buy me a hydroscope?”
Explanation: Like before, "on" would still work in this sentence. However, since everything is written as a story and uses a more formal tone, I would think "during" would be a better fit. Although, most forms of live discussion would probably use "on". I also added "ride" after car. I'm not really sure how to explain this other than by saying that "ride" is often used in situations like these to describe the use of transportation. It's the same with bike ride, train ride, and plane ride. Strangely enough, I'm not very sure of the rules of when to use "ride" like this, so I'll give some examples.
Right: (During/While on/On) the train ride home.
Right: (After/Before) the train ride home.
Wrong: (I took) the train ride home. - This should be "I took the train home"
Wrong: (I'm on) the train ride home. - This should be "I'm on the train home"
Finally, I also combined the quote of your nephew asking your brother to buy him a hydroscope with the previous sentence to make it sound a bit more natural.
Correction: The child answered, “OK, since I won’t say that any more,
that then buy me a hydroscope. Since I won’t say that any more,
that then buy me a hydroscope, please!”
Explanation: I changed "that" to "then" since in this case, an alternative is being given.
Okey dokey, all done.
I'm sorry if I went into too much detail, didn't make sense, or missed something.
It's getting a bit late here and so I'm getting a bit tired.
