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YuriTokoro (Offline)
Busier Than Shinjuku Station
 
Posts: 1,066
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Kawasaki,Japan
09-13-2010, 11:56 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Koir View Post
I see much improvement and willingness to use different verb tenses and sentence structures to build an easily read story.
Koir, thanks.
Especially, I like the sentence “Except now it wasn't a step but a big vaulting box I had to clear.” It doesn’t say “suddenly” directly, but readers would see that I suddenly realized the top of the steps was not a step anymore, and somehow the step had turned into a vaulting box.
Thanks again.

Quote:
Hope this is of some help, Yuri. I sincerely apologize if these revisions appear inconsistent with other advice given. They are only my opinions and thoughts.
There is no reason to apologize.
You always help me greatly.
Koir, thanks!


Hello, I may not understand English very well and I may lack words but I will try to understand you.

If you have questions about my post or Japanese customs, don't hesitate to ask.

I YamaP
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