Quote:
Originally Posted by MMM
You are calling her nicknames when she wants to be called by her given name. That's how you described it. In my head, that's not respecting her wishes.
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Actually, I'm not. Never did that to her. That's not how I described it. As she witnessed how other americans respond to my nicknames, I could tell that she could tell that there was no offense on the part of others, and no disrespect on my part. I could tell that she would probably be open to me restarting a practice she had previously put the kabash on.
Maybe I'm being a bit cautious and timid on this point. She's not just kinda-sorta open to it because I persist in doing it regardless. When she said "Don't," I didn't. But as our relationship progressed and intimacy increased I could, correctly, perceive a shift in her understanding of my nickname habit.
She's actually appreciating it. I think she relates her acceptance of this practice as part of a two-fold process: 1) becoming more 'americanized'; 2) being more accepted into my life. She sees me doing with everyone else I know, she's kinda left out if I don't do it with her.
She's learning that, in american culture, lack of formality does NOT equate to a lack of respect. Quite to the contrary. In my case, she sees quite clearly that the more I like - or love - someone, the more they get nicknames, good natured teasing, etc; the more I know/love someone, the less formal I am.
And she's seen the flip side. I try to get along with everyone, but you know how in real life there can be conflict, tension; people you don't get along with, or don't want to be close to. In these situations she sees that I don't use the nicknames, I'm much more formal.
So while growing up, she saw her parents' persistence in formality equated to continued respect; and figured a lack of formality was lack of respect. I think she actually felt it on a gut level more than as an intellectual analysis.
Now she's seeing in my behavior that an increased level of intimacy equates to a decrease in formality; and vice versa, an increase in formality is a sign of not getting along.
I wouldn't be here asking for suggestions for nicknames if I wasn't 100% certain that its exactly what she wants.
In any case, MMM, thanks for hanging in with me and continuing to help me out.
Regarding what you say about Sempai in the FB chat. That its black and white, they are not peers, there's that one year age difference. That is just such an odd concept for any american to get their mind around. For us, when you're much younger, a year can be a somewhat significant difference.
But to our minds, by the time two people are 36/37, that difference would seem to melt away, and would consider themselves close enough to be considered virtually perfectly equal peers.