[Misericordias]

My plan was to take the cat back with me to my home country once my study abroad was over. At the time, I really thought I was a suitable- and responsible- person that had the ability to take care of this kitten. I planned everything out: I spend hours online researching how to keep my pet happy; the vaccinations I needed to give it to keep it healthy; and the entire pet immigration process for my eventual return back to my home. However, as I started to take care of it, I learned more about myself than I wish I would have and made me face some of the worst aspects in me that I never knew existed. I will not shun nor will I try to reason my way out of me being the bad guy- I accept full responsibility for my actions. However, what I can't take is the heartache that is coming with taking care of this kitten. I love this kitten to death, I want to give it the best it can get. That's where this pain is coming from- I just cannot see how I can give this kitten what it deserves in my current state, and I constantly bash myself for not thinking that this was going to happen. I was arrogant in thinking that I could juggle taking care of this animal that requires attention and much love along with the intensive amount of studying I need to be doing.

This pain is becoming so bad that I am starting to lose sleep over it. All I want at this point is for this kitten to have someone better than me. God, I feel horrible.