Quote:
Originally Posted by Misericordias
My plan was to take the cat back with me to my home country once my study abroad was over. At the time, I really thought I was a suitable- and responsible- person that had the ability to take care of this kitten. I planned everything out: I spend hours online researching how to keep my pet happy; the vaccinations I needed to give it to keep it healthy; and the entire pet immigration process for my eventual return back to my home. However, as I started to take care of it, I learned more about myself than I wish I would have and made me face some of the worst aspects in me that I never knew existed. I will not shun nor will I try to reason my way out of me being the bad guy- I accept full responsibility for my actions. However, what I can't take is the heartache that is coming with taking care of this kitten. I love this kitten to death, I want to give it the best it can get. That's where this pain is coming from- I just cannot see how I can give this kitten what it deserves in my current state, and I constantly bash myself for not thinking that this was going to happen. I was arrogant in thinking that I could juggle taking care of this animal that requires attention and much love along with the intensive amount of studying I need to be doing.
This pain is becoming so bad that I am starting to lnose sleep over it. All I want at this point is for this kitten to have someone better than me. God, I feel horrible.
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Please please stop feeling so bad about yourself. In many ways maybe you could actually keep the kitten. I am uncertain why you find it too much to cope with--.
You obviously needed something to love whilst living in a different country.
You can get things for the kitten to play with surely? something to keep it happy whilst you are studying.
I recently bought a puppy for my eighteen year old gr daughter. so many years she has been desperate to have a dog-- Now at long last she can--with the help of the rest of her family and friends who can take care of it. If she was on her own then I'm afraid it would not have been possible-- but she is lucky to have many friends and family who all love the new puppy.
cats are not so reliant on humans as dogs are. Have you spoken to your family about it?
If you can discipline yourself to study for so long, then relax with the kitten. I suspect that your study is getting too much for you-- but you need to take time out anyway--
Cats can get used to routines after all.
think over the long term. good luck, Babs.