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Originally Posted by dogsbody70
I haven't checked out any websites on this subject.
Imagine you are a child by an unknown donor-- Is that natural--No real father in your life.
It is not natural at all. Rather similar to many who were or are adopted-- they often yearn to know their roots-- who made them the way they are.
even more so in the case of donors.
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I don't know if it IS the same though. Of course some people will want to know about their donors, but it's a slightly different situation. These weren't unwanted or abandoned children; and unlike adoptees their mother usually IS their real parent, and who's to say there was no dad.
Actually, someone I went to school with and her brother are both sperm-donor children. They grew up with two parents who have loved and supported them and have had stable, uncomplicated childhoods. I haven't really asked, but I don't think either of them have any inclination to try and find out who the donors were (even if it were possible). There's no "why didn't you want me, why did you put me up for adoption?" questions to deal with, it's less emotional. The sister in the pair likened it to to blood donation. Like, ok you have a link to the person, but on such a tiny, tiny level. They only ever knew you as gunk in a medical sample. Might be interesting to meet them, maybe say thanks for not doing it into a kleenex for once, but... then what? If anything, I think most of her curiosity about it was reversed; aimed at her parents and the situation leading up to her birth rather than who actually donated in the first place.
As for gay couples and sperm-donation; it's often the only real option for lesbian couples, so I have nothing against it. As for surrogation, I don't really know enough about it, but I don't think all surrogate mothers are coerced into it. Some are relatives of the parents-to-be, and they interviewed one lady on TV who had surrogated something like 7 babies? Her view was that she just really actually ~liked~ being pregnant and helping create new life. She certainly didn't seem reluctant or distressed about it, or seem to view her situation as her being 'used'. Maybe she's the exception, not the rule though.
Also there's a good possible reason why surrogates and egg-donors sometimes aren't the same people; it's easier to get donor eggs from the USA but there aren't as many surrogate mothers there as there are from other countries; also I would think it would be easier for some surrogate mothers (and maybe for legal reasons) if they had no genetic tie to the child.
I don't consider separate egg donors and surrogates to be 'designing' a baby either. Rejecting perfectly good foetus' because they aren't male, or blue-eyed or something, that's designing and I feel that's wrong, but there's also got to be some selective element rather than just grabbing the first sample available- you'd want your child to at least marginally resemble you or your partner.