[Nyororin]

Originally Posted by steven

Nyororin, I didn't mean to "assume" that so to speak. I just meant that maybe that could be one of the reasons... I really don't know though. Matched marriages often seem to work out in the long run quite well (which may simply be because they have to), but I've heard a few stories about how they don't quite work out in the affection department.

I think that it is something so deeply ingrained - loving couples sleep together - that anything other than that does result in an unconscious assumption that it carries a meaning of less, or a lack of, affection in the relationship.
You point this out again in making the connection of matched marriage = lack of affection = sleeping apart. Because matched marriages may not work out in the affection department, they are probably sleeping apart... The key isn`t the matched marriage bit, but rather the opinion in regard to affection.

It's also interesting to note the demographic, with the majority being in their 40's. Although I don't really consider 40's to be 'older', it is the 'oldest' in the survey.. and I always attribute older generations to matched mariages, which I'll admit is an assumption on my part.

I do think this is important to note - as 40s are definitely NOT an "older" generation. If you`re married with a child under 10, as I am, 75% of your peers are going to be in their late 30s and early 40s. In my son`s kindergarten class (5 and 6 year olds), about half the mothers are 40+... And most of them have a younger child.
So early 40s tend to be the major years of child rearing. Most everyone around who has children had their first after 35.

Even going on the early end of the common pattern - first child at 35, second at 38... So at 40, a mother is putting to bed a 5 year old and likely sleeping with a 2 year old. Chances are the husband is in the prime of his working years, being the best balance of health and experience he is ever going to be... So getting home fairly late (even getting home at 8pm is late when there is a small child involved - and in big cities, getting off at 定時 means you`ll probably be getting in the door around that time. Off at 6, get ready and leave at 6:30, off the train near home at 7:30, then walk/bicycle the rest of the way home for 10+ minutes). If there is overtime involved, imagine hours later. It`s not rare at all for a mother to sleep with the kids until they head off to elementary school - so dad getting home at midnight and crawling into a bed with sleeping children, risking waking them and the entire household, it`s just easier to start sleeping apart.

These days - particularly in that age group - it seems more that people will be amazed at sleeping together than apart. If you talk about sleeping together still after having children, etc, people tend to remark on how ラブラブ your relationship is.

I realize now that physical problems tend to lead to sleeping seperately. Despite my dad's loud snoring, my mom managed to sleep in the same bed with him though (with the assistance of ear plugs of course).

What if there had been no stigma attached to sleeping apart? What if it was considered absolutely normal for them to sleep in separate rooms with absolutely no effect on what people thought of the marriage? I think this is important to consider. If you believe that sleeping apart is the first step in a marriage falling apart, or that it is a sign of unhappiness / problems... You`re FAR more likely to just deal with discomfort or other issues. Even if sleeping apart would give both a better night`s sleep and a better life thanks to it. I`ve even heard remarks in the US along the lines of "I get better rest sleeping apart... Is there something wrong with me? Does this mean that there is something wrong with our marriage?"