Hey, I just want to say that I am really enjoying this tread. I haven't replied because it was night time in America. haha
But yeah, you guys are coming up with some very valid points on this topic of intercultural marriages (which sounds a lot better by the way. Sorry for not thinking of it earlier)
The point about the mixed children being bullied in school. Bullying and hazing is something that has been going on in Japanese for years and years. It has been labeled one of the highest causes of suicide which is one of the leading causes of death in Japan. Although it could be the attention that mixed children attract, any child (too smart, to small, too large, too quiet, not pretty enough, too pretty, etc..) are subject to this kind of treatment by the kids in Japan. I know full well the dark side of Japanese children when helping out in the local school. They will just smack each other for no reason and the kid that got hit will laugh it off just because the other kids are laughing, not wanting to draw anymore attention to himself than has already been drawn.
I one of my good friends is a half black, half Japanese girl and she is bubbly and outgoing. I asked how it was growing up and she said that although people would look at her longer than most other students or ask her if she knew English (at the time she didn't), she had a happy childhood and wasn't ill-treated in her schools or by her friends. I also met a half white, half Japanese girl but I didn't get to talk to her much about her life (she didn't no English at all) but she also seems happy and out going. But with her, her friends pointed out the fact that she was half American, almost proudly, as if they were trying to connect me and her somehow or find that link in our cultures.
I'm sorry, Nyororin, but I don't think that RealJames friend are superficial... You would actually have to know them or talk to them in order to say something like. I have friends that are a lot like his friends, pictures, questions, and things like that. I just think of it as them being curious and I’m happy to educate them on what’s real and not just the stereotype given to me. I look at the reason why I came to Japan in the first place; to be in the culture and surround myself with Japanese people. I might have asked them as many questions as they asked me and taken more pictures haha (It was my first time out of the states) When I came back to the states, I wanted to surround myself with Japanese people and stay in that culture, using the language, etc... I think using the word "superficial" is a bit harsh. It's as if saying that the whole friendship and relationship is a lie. I genuinely love my friends and believe that they love me; it’s a bonus that he get to explore and learn about each other’s cultures. You choose who you want to be around because you find a likeness between that person and yourself. Isn’t that why you stayed and married in Japan and lived there for 10 years? (I could be wrong and if so I’m sorry for my assumption)
I believe you and your husband truly love each other, even though one of you is foreign. If your relationship didn't start with superficial thinking, why couldn't that be the same for others? Just because his narrow-minded friends didn't agree? I don't think that's enough of a reason to say that there can't be real genuine friendships and relationships because foreigners and Japanese. You go some places in America and you can hear the most hurtful things, from all colors and creeds. (I couldn’t date a guy on two different occasions because their families didn’t want them dating a black girl. They hadn’t even met me and didn’t want to). Is it safe to say that all Americans are the same way or have the same way of thinking…. I don’t think so….
I know full well that you have WAY more experience with this than I have and I value your opinion on this topic, but there has to be a light side to this dark side of Japan, or you wouldn't have stayed there so long right? Just like in the states, there are VERY BAD things about the states and living here. But then, there are things about the states and living here that make you miss it when you're gone. I love the states in spite of the bad things. Same in Japan, don’t you think?
MMM, you do have I good point about the concerns about marriage arrangements and there after. I have to admit, I didn't really think about it too much myself. But hopefully those things are discussed even before the couple decides to take that leap. The situation is truly determined by the individual couple.
Love, love, love, this tread... A true success...
