Quote:
Originally Posted by Nyororin
That`s because if they do, they are told repeatedly that they are better than that. As a child, I wanted very much to be a bride then mother, and have one of those television style housewife lives. I thought it would be absolutely wonderful. No one ever told me I couldn`t work, or that women should stay at home. I just wanted to be a mother and all of that.
The shock was pretty much impossible to miss if I ever said this though - particularly at school. I was always told that I was better than that, that I shouldn`t let anyone decide my future for me (as apparently it was impossible that I would choose that without someone pushing me to), that surely there was something else I wanted to be more. It made me feel as if there was something very wrong with me, as no normal girl wanted to grow up, get married and have children. I went through most of my childhood trying to think up options that other people would approve of. All in all, quite depressing. Being a mother was the bottom of the heap and was NOT something someone wanted to be - it was something they sacrificed their real lives for and put up with.
I was told that I should actually be ashamed as women fought for the right to work, and I would be throwing away all their hard work if I chose to be a mother and stay home when I didn`t have to.
The thing is, a lot of them DO. It isn`t as if it`s hard to find women in the workplace. It`s just hard to keep them there after they get married or have children. There are plenty of female programmers and designers, but because of the hours and pressure of the job most leave after they decide to have children. Video game related careers are famous for extremely stressful and erratic hours toward the end of a project (even more than normal for the IT field)... Not something that lends itself well to having and caring for a child. As being a mother is respected, there is nothing shameful in the woman choosing to leave her position to stay at home with the child.
Quite frankly, if the woman is staying at home through the day while the guy is out working from dawn till dusk... She SHOULD be the one doing the cooking and cleaning.
Anyway though, I think that there is a huge double standard when it comes to Japanese men vs. western men - something which tends to cast undeserved negativity on Japanese men.
In a Japanese man, cooking and cleaning is considered "feminine", "wrong", and pretty much the opposite of what will attract women. In western men, it`s romantic and wonderful. Japanese men are supposed to shut up and earn the money - western men are supposed to be loving and romantic.
Just like how people will notice my son`s beautiful eyes because he`s half... Women notice the loving and romantic traits of western men. Not because they`re necessarily always there, but because they`re supposed to be.
My son`s eyes are dark brown, just like his father`s and everyone else`s. But they MUST be lighter and prettier in color - he`s part foreign! Western men get told how wonderful it is that they help out, how much better they are than Japanese men who never help or cook... Not because Japanese men never help out or cook, but because western men are supposed to be more helpful and "romantic".
Japanese men who cook and clean tend to get rejected by girls because it makes them feel like they`re doing something wrong, because it`s not "cool", because it`s "not right", etc. Because they`re Japanese, it`s not loving or romantic. It`s taken as a criticism.
The same women who go on and on about how they wish they could find a wonderful romantic western boyfriend are the same ones who scream at their husbands for going into the kitchen or kick them out of the house if they`re at home "too much" because men don`t below in the home.
It`s all about perception. My husband cooks and cleans, and loves doing so. It made him about as unpopular as possible with the ladies. If I talk to women who tell me how I shouldn`t have gotten together with an inferior Japanese man because western men are all so romantic and helpful around the house... and I go on to point out that my husband loves to cook and clean and is quite loving and romantic - they make sure to tell me that I must be wrong or that it couldn`t possibly compare to what a western man would do, etc etc. I have no doubt that if these women were in a relationship with a western man who did the exact same level of stuff as the men they`re currently with - they would see every little gesture as something romantic and loving and have nothing but praise.
In real life experience both dating in Japan and in the US - there isn`t much of a difference. It`s down to the individual. The big difference is how women react. Put a western guy and a Japanese guy with pretty much identical traits in a relationship - see how things change once the woman praises the western guy up and down for helping out around the house and being romantic by wanting to be close to her at home... and berates the Japanese guy for not fulfilling his masculine responsibilities by wasting time at home doing girly stuff.
Thank you thank you thank you.
Being a mother is not being oppressed. Being pushed into doing anything that you do not want is being oppressed - be that staying at home or working full time. Being told that your choice is the wrong one and being told to do something else is something that should not happen. You should be free to choose - not just free to choose from a set of limited options.
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I wonder how many western men are romantic or for how long?
If a woman is at home all day there should be no need for the breadwinner-- the husband-- to work in the home at all-- unless he Wants to.
I am sure America have been way ahead of us in UK for many years.
Many British men like to go to the Pub after work, chat with other men. I am unsure how long the ROMANCE remains in place.