[Nyororin]

A few days away for New Years, and there is a literal explosion in this thread while I`m gone...

I`m probably too late to make any sort of dent in all of this, but I`ll give my thoughts on the whole parenting-at-home vs. daycare issue. While I didn`t specialize directly in general childhood development, I did have to take a whole mess of courses on it for language development...

I think that a lot of misunderstanding is going on when it comes to what is beneficial and what is not when it comes to a child socializing. And as to the life led by a child parented at home. At the same time I think there are also a lot of assumptions being made the moment the words "daycare", "working parent", "stay at home", and the like appear in the conversation.

There is indeed a truly important period when a child should be cared for by one or two devoted individuals (in most cases the parents...) and there is no benefit to socializing... But it ends at about a year. After a year, there is a benefit to meeting new people, other children, etc. Whether this benefit outweighs the detrimental effects of changing caretakers at that stage is still up in the air. There are proven issues with long term bonding in some children who are put into care at a year, but it is far far less than those that are passed around while younger. Once the child hits two, there is no inherent problem with being in someone else`s care for less than half of the child`s waking hours. Once you hit three, there is more benefit to socializing / schooling than constant parental care - but there still needs to be a clear and reliable foundation of parental/dedicated care.

The problem is that people on both sides often take it too far. Benefits of socializing are cited for putting infants in 8+ hour daycare. Benefits of dedicated care and parental bonding are cited for keeping 3 and 4 year olds home as long as possible.

The best pattern, from a developmental standpoint, would be for the child to have one or two people (I`ll call them "parents") to form a strong bond with in the first 6 months. From 6 to 12 months have parental guided time with other people and children. (Outside the family-close people group) From a year on have limited time away from the parents (1 to 2 hours), then from two develop a schedule of time away (4 to 6 hours, two or three times a week).
From three, unless there are other issues, there is no harm in having a child away for almost half the day for schooling and socializing. Somewhere between three and four, the benefits of socializing completely outweigh any benefits that being at home could bring.

Working parents should make efforts to provide the dedicated period of bonding in the beginning, and stay-at-home parents should make the effort of provide the socializing and schooling time later.

Obviously there are going to be children who absolutely thrive even if they`re in full-day daycare from a week after birth... But it is not going to be best for the huge majority of children. (And even for the child who thrives, really, as while they may be emotionally and developmentally fine - full-day daycare is prohibitive to breastfeeding, something which is without a doubt most important during early infancy. )
There are also undoubtedly going to be children who suffer major issues due to being in care / schooling at three. But the great majority of children will benefit from the socializing and new experiences.

Whether a parent is working or not is really a minor issue. Just as working makes it harder to set aside the important time at the beginning, not working makes is somewhat harder to justify social experiences away from the parents before school age.
Once you hit school age (unless the parents go for homeschooling), the child is going to be away most of the waking day anyway, so working or not becomes a moot point.

Of course none of this really applies if the parents suck to begin with, but that`s an entirely different subject.

I also note the reoccurring appearances of the fact that a child is sleeping half the day to defend extended periods away from the child. The flaw in this is that the hours an infant or toddler spends sleeping are most often the hours that they are not in care. In a worst case scenario, the child may be sleeping 95% of their time with a parent... Leading to potential bonding issues.

I am strongly for a parent staying at home to care for a child - but bashing people who have their older children away in care for part of the day because they are working is quite silly.
Having an infant away in full day care is one thing - there is enough evidence for potential issues stemming from this that I would never do it - but 2 or 3? I think you`d be causing more trouble keeping them at home constantly at that stage.

While everyone`s situation is different, a working parent having a child in daycare doesn`t automatically mean that they`re passing off a newborn to a stranger. It is still "daycare" at 3 or 4 if the child isn`t in school. Even as a stay-at-home mother, I put my son into nursery at two for 4 hours a day, 3 days a week. Once he was three, he went off to full fledged kindergarten - 6 to 8 hours a day Monday through Friday. Would it be somehow different if I were working and called the nursery and kindergarten "daycare"?